The New Podcast

Not that you noticed but the old Self Help Center Blogcast was deleted by my hosting site. Something about getting bought out by a paid site. Only the assholes at Podcast did not tell me anything about what was going on so I lost a years worth of shows because I don't have most of the podcast saved.

I know none of you like the podcast so none of you care but the podcast was downloaded over 2500 times so maybe a few people out there want to know where I am hosting the new version.

HERE.

I am not broadcasting your phone number on my podcast, even if you ask me to

I don't have a lot of common sense, which is why you shouldn't trust me to not play your voice mail that consists of you wishing to become a "superstar" by announcing your home phone number on my podcast. You don't just want to be famous you want to be a superstar, but like most kids today you don't think you need to do any work to be a superstar. You think it just happens overnight all willy nilly like.

Well babe I work hard everyday at this blog and podcast slaving away creating original content and now you want to piggyback the Romiustexis express and bag a little bit of his fame. I don't think so. I mean the most you could have asked for is to be famous like paris hilton because you haven't done anything. But you ask me to make you a superstar. I think one of the prerequisites for super stardom is talent. So for now the only superstar is me and the only one not being famous is you.

I don't think you realize that only 10 people listen to my podcast because nobody has gone to digg.com and submitted my podcast. I don't want to say that digg is a bunch of asshats for not approving me, but digg is a bunch of asshats for not approving me. Actually I do feel better after saying that. {go to digg right now and add me}

I don't think you can become famous by simply giving out your home phone number. Unless your idea of becoming famous is having 3 people call you in the middle of the night to wake you by screaming Hootie and the Blowfish lyrics to you. I for one don't advocate that kind of thing, but I can see how that kind of thing could happen to you.

I noticed from your area code that you were from New Orleans. I thought people from New Orleans were already famous enough. I mean I am pretty sure that was you snatching tv's from a flooded Best Buy, wasn't it?
I have another bit of advice for you. I think I might need to teach you how to hang up a telephone. Your speaking on the voicemail lasts 20 seconds or so, but the message is 3 minutes long. I think you forgot to hang up, or maybe just the last episode of the sopranos that blank space on the message is supposed to symbolize your failure to obtain the massive media coverage deserving of your celebrity, either way that's way too artsy for my audience.

My audience can't stand to sit through 3 minutes of silence. Many of my listeners are just my friends who are too lazy to read this blog, the rest are pedophiles who can't read, but like to jack off to miley cyrus' voice. I can't get that song out of my head either guys. v Make sure to listen all the way to the end of the podcast is you want to hear the girl from New orleans beg for superstardom!

Teddy, treat me like a Whore!!!!

I hope I catch you reading my blog at work. If you do you better turn down the sound right now. I would for you, but Switchpod won't allow me to disable the automatic audio function, and well you've probably already figured out the rest.

Episodes 5 and 6 are up at the Self Help Center Podcast. Today's podcast features the world's most boring porn clip, Andy Rooney on Poop, and a blog post warning regarding comet and ass rubbing.

Speaking of poop, mine is yellow again, even though I haven't touched a drink in almost 2 months. Maybe all that fiber laced yogurt isn't so good for me after all. The box says to give it 10 days for best results in digestive health. I have no idea what that means, but I am pretty sure digestive health and yellow constipated poop isn't it.

It took 3 years of weak shitting to get me turned on to adding fiber in my diet. Maybe shitting is supposed to require at least a modicum of effort on my part. But I prefer the drippy wet shitting that slides out of your ass in a couple of seconds, to the thicker fiber based shits I am taking now. And I am not mentioning the fact that I can't sleep at night because of the farting and colon cramps.

I remember as a kid I used to get incredible gas attacks that my parents never fully believed in. I would refuse dinner and lie hunched over on my bed all night. My mom would check in on me now and then, but my Dad completley refused to pay for any anti-gas medication. He was a cheap bastard in those days like that.

I suppose trading in soft shitting for densely packed crap is ok, but I had no idea that waiting three days to ejaculate could get my come to look like 2 day old stiffened egg yolk. I need to get medical insurance straight away.

The Self Help Center Goes Podcast!!!!

Go visit the The Self Help Center Podcast!

I know you guys are too lazy to read !! Go digg me and subscribe to me on I-tunes. Make me famous bitch! You can call me at 623-239-8052 and leave me a voice mail for the blog or podcast! Or just push the call button and leave your phone number (you can keep your number private) and the voice mail will call you and you can leave your message.

I've disabled the podcast player, but you can always play or download an episode from my switchpod feed, or subscribe to me via i-tunes!