An open letter to my "crazy" Barack Obama fearing Mom

Mom,

I'm sorry to hear your point of view on Barrack Obama. I do not worry about Barrack. I am not concerned that he is a closet Communist/Muslim who may or may not be bringing "the end times."

I worry that he is less liberal than Bill Clinton. His voting record and political career suggests he is a moderate always looking to compromise. Despite his drawbacks I can not vote for anyone else.

I do not want anything to do with the right wing of this country. Bush won a "compromised" election in 2000. Since then he cut taxes on the wealthy, suspended the 4th amendment,spied on Americans, allowed terrorists to attack our country, used signing statements to subvert the rule of law, started 2 wars (and lied to invade Iraq who had nothing to do with 9-11), smashed the separation of church and state, drove the nation into massive debt, gave away trillions of dollars to corporate powers, the list goes on. What is the difference between our country and the "fascism" of Fascism? We do not kill Jews. Yet.

What we don't need is more pandering to the religious right in this country. I am not worried that Barrack is secretly a black power, Muslim bent on subverting what is left (so very little left) of our constitution by converting us by the sword to Islamic belief. I am far more worried about Palin's insane religious views, because they represent a portion of the mainstream of American thought. The alleged Islamic beliefs of Obama would find no support from Americans. The hyper unreal beliefs of right winged religious nuts like Sarah Palin and George Bush inform there every policy move and are supported by members of the moral majority.

Even if all the attacks against Obama were true, I would have faith in the power of the Constitution to restrain Obama from killing all the white people. If the people in government can convince George W. Bush that he does not get a third term, they can convince Obama that he should continue to masque his Muslim beliefs in his self proclaimed love of Christianity.

I am not at angry at all with you; however, I should point out to you though (if you are not aware) that I am an Atheist and a card carrying member of the Communist Party (USA). I vote Democratic because that party represents at least a brake on the corporate institutions which dominate the political landscape. But my beliefs are firm and I have considered them carefully.

Since I am an Atheist and Communist I would like nothing more than to smash the economic system we live in. We live in a country that "Socializes" the risk of entrepreneurial capitalism, but privatises the gains. I see no reason to worry that Obama will bring communism. We have socialism here already, but it is socialism for the rich. The bailouts are just the latest example of this.

I would like nothing more than to see our country return to clear dividing wall between church and state. I take no comfort in knowing that a republican president would protect my right to not believe. A republican comes down on the side of the moneyed interests and religion, not the working class and free thinking.

The video you suggested has been flying around the country for quite some time and has been debunked on numerous occasions. I assume proof at this point will not suffice. I will not offer any.

I could adopt the strategy of the anti-Obama people and remind you that at the first debate Obama wore an American flag pin and McCain did not. That Sarah Palin's church has witch doctors, they lay hands on her, they are Pentecostal which means they play with snakes and talk in tongues. That Sarah Palin's husband belongs to an Alaskan secessionist group ( The Alaska First Party) a group that so hates America they make Iran look like our best friend.

You can find videos of the leader of this hate group saying things I would not have said about this country when white men were allowed to own black men. Sarah Palin gave speeches to this group. She may allow Alaska to leave the Union if she gets to be president (and don't we need Alaska's gas?)



The video below shows Sarah Palin telling a treasonous group that they do great work.



I have seen videos of Sara getting healed by her pastor and "hands placed upon her" as she thanks this witch burning doctor (he brags he hunts down witches like there is something called a witch that has powers and needs to be cured of her demons -Palin nods her head during all this because she agrees. Then she gets up and tells the witch burning doctor "thanks" for "givin' her the governorship."



I could make a video as scary as the video you saw and if you did not know any better would make you run for the Canadian border if McCain won. To sum up: I do not believe Barack Obama is the anti-Christ.

(If he were is it not "god's will"? I find the second point to be dangerous and typical of the right wing extremist position. I am sure that (deleted) women believes something to that effect.)

I must say I am surprised at your conversion to religious dogma. When did this occur? I can not as a child recall you ever using religious tinged explanations to describe the empirical or phenomenal world (that is the world of experience).

As a child I do not recall any conversation about God with you, or your belief in him. I do recall attending memaw's church. I recall after Dad left you never took us to church again. I know Aunt D. was a Catholic and I knew you and Dad had some vague belief in a "Christian" god. I know know that Aunt N. was churchy. She watched all those preachers who talk of prosperity all the while asking for donations at every oppurtunity. Religion was kept to Sunday in our house (and only a few Sundays) and talk of God's will would have sounded absurd.

I know that good Baptists like to leave it up to the individual to come to terms with choosing god. I always assumed that is why you left me the choice to believe or not to believe. I've always considered that to be your finest parenting gift.

I would just like to ease your fears.

Obama is less liberal than Bill Clinton who was just a liberal Republican in sheep's clothing. The End Times is not coming. Obama is not the closet Anti-Christ that is thought to be foreseen in the book of Revelations (no matter what your good friend g. thinks) nor is he a secret buddy of Osama Bin Laden.

FUN FACT: Did you know that George H. W. Bush was having a meeting with Osama Bin Laden's family around the time of 911?

"George H. W. Bush attended an investment meeting at the Washington, D.C. Ritz-Carlton hotel on September 10, 2001 and in particular a meeting with Shafiq bin Laden, representing joint interests of the Saudi Binladin Group and Carlyle."

IF you are concerned at all with terrorism and links to the Osama Bin Laden look no further than the Bush clan. There are a number of conspiracy videos that link 9-11 to the US government and George Bush. I think the most popular one is a movie called Zeitgeist. You could google it.



It will scare you. It also talks about the Federal Reserve System, the illegal nature of payroll taxes on Americans, and the weirdly similar nature of Egyptian gods to the the story of the risen Christ that purports to expose the Christian god as untrue.

I am not worried that Obama will lead us to the end of times. I am worried that if Palin gets into power she will bring on Armageddon because she wants 'the end of times' so she can be with her Jesus. I think she'd push the bomb and blow us all to hell. Barrack is just a democrat. He will bow to the media, corporate powers, the right wing, and all the special interests that all the other politicians bow to. Obama is simply the better choice for working people, and that is how I decide who I vote for.

The attacks you have read about Obama come from the some place that attacked McCain for having a black baby out of wedlock in South Carolina. They are the same "swift boat" attacks that said John Kerry was a coward even though he served in Vietnam and was shot at. (Unlike that coward GW.) I know Kerry said things that veterans (and your husband) don't like, "Stop the war we are massacring people."

(I'm sorry 3 million dead in Vietnam is not a massacre it is genocide. American history is full of Genocide. Natives, black slavery, The Philippines, Panama, etc.)

Mom, the video and other attacks you read on Obama are just swift boat attacks, they are swift boat in nature, they reveal themselves as swift boatian in the light of careful reasoning.

I would ask you to consider how the Democratic Party missed all the claims you hear. Why is there nothing in the mainstream media? Why would not John McCain say something in a debate in front of 65 million people? McCain loves his country. If McCain thought Obama was a Muslim terrorist, (and if the claims that accuse him are so backed in fact and truth) would he not have a moral duty to expose Obama for the fraud that he is?

Is McCain part of a secret plan to get the Anti-Christ in power? Is he Judas in the last days? Do you not worry about the rationality of the arguments that are needed to anchor such ideas?

One can disagree about the direction of this Country.

I think our country has been going down hill for 8 years.

One can disagree about if we need change.

I think only a complete rejection of the Bush Doctrine will enable our Country to prosper and survive.

One can make a case for either candidate to help.

But I think one candidate will continue the policies of the last 8 years and the other will offer us hope and real change.

But the idea that Obama is not a loyal American that he is a black extremist, or secret communist who is bent on subverting the constitution and handing our Christian saved souls over to Caliph of the Dajjal* does not bear scrutiny. It does not rise to the level of rational plausibility.

Visit the website stopthe smears to learn about Barack Obama's side to the questions that have been raised by these attacks.

Next year when Barrack Obama lowers your taxes you will have a laugh at all this. You will stop worrying that Kenya is going to invade the US. And I will spend my tax rebate on a trip to Florida. You will see. It will all be ok. I promise.

Your son.

p.s. The government reads your e-mail.
*(The antichrist of muslim theology)

Why fat chicks love sex more than you

I was told I was fat because I have lifestyle issues not because, "it is in my DNA." Life style issues? I don't know what that guy is talking about. I don't have any life style "issues." I like my lifestyle. I have been drinking coke and surfing the net all day. I drove to McDonald's for lunch so I could buy a Big Mac Meal because they have their Monopoly promotion on again.

I have to say that buying Big Macs is a great investment strategy right now with the Stock Market in the tubes and all. For 7 dollars I got a large Bic Mac meal and two bags of ice. The super sized Big Mac meal came with 6 free chances to win a prize, so I feel like I am finally on the road to financial recovery.

Friday my work reissued my lost payroll check. I cashed it and took all the money to 7-11 to pay my electric bill. The kiosk took all my money, but it did not credit my account. I called the customer service number and they promised me that the money is going to be credited soon. "Maybe Wednesday or Thursday." The operator said. I told her that was kinda shady and she told me to stop eating chocolate graham crackers and cola after eating a Big Mac for lunch. I wanted to tell her to mind her own business, but she has a point. I'm fat. And because I am fat I promised to tell you the secreet to why fat chicks love sex. I will, but hang on for a second. I'm not done talking about me yet.

I need to buy a tire, because I got a flat the other day. I think the tire is going to cost me a hundred bucks. I haven't made a truck payment to Card Shard this month. I need to do that this week, or at least at some point this month. I need to shop around for cheaper car insurance, because 120 dollars a month is too much to pay for a 2001 truck.

I do have some good news on the finance side. I have not received the bill for the internet which means I can still blog at home for you before I go to work. I won 280 dollars at poker last night. My share is 140 dollars and with it I can buy a new tire even if Walmart refuses to honor the warranty Card Shark says he has on the flat.

I have 21 minutes before I need to get ready for work and I am down to my last chocolate graham cracker cookie and I have not even started all the research I need to do in order to deliver to you my newest report on why fat chicks love sex so much.

My initial hypothesis is an extension of an earlier theory I had on why the retarded love sex so much. If the mentally retarded are going to survive in the world they need to reproduce at a higher rate than the non-retarded. That is why evolution equips the retarded with an almost insatiable curiosity for sex. The retarded are constantly playing with themselves and dry humping unsuspecting visitors anytime some one knocks at the door.

I am not sure about "legally," but ethically you can't rape a retard because they love sex so much. I am pretty sure the same thing goes for fat chicks. If you have ever had sex with a fat chick then you know how grateful they are for penatration. FAt Chicks loves cock and even though you have heard the rumors that fat chicks gobble down all day on your rod because they are woried you will leave them for a skinny chick, I am telling you to skip the foreplay and go straight to the fucking.

As soon as you put it in a Fat chick she will scream like you are cutting through her with a chainsaw. I don't know about you, but I like a loud fuck. I like it when the girl bucks and screams your name and claws your back and begs you to put it in "deeper."

I did some research on the internet and by research I mean I watched a lot of fat chick porn on the internet. You know that I review amatuer porn clips but that I can never find a site that lets me embed the clips. I figured out why. I forgot that the best web site for embedding porn clips is Red Tube. Here is a fat chick. They look limber when they bang you.

I've always wanted to hit a woman

I've been fasting so you probably shouldn't take anything I say seriously. I tried to quit drinking coke today. I had 2 cokes for breakfast. At work I drank tea with no sugar. I gave up fasting 3 minutes ago and cracked open an ice cold can of coke. I gulped it down as quickly as I could. I got such a rush that I popped open a second can. I am trying to type for at least a few seconds before I drink that one.

I know I am not supposed to tell you that I've always wanted to hit a woman. I just wonder what it would be like. I don't think it is such a big deal. To be honest most days the thought never enters my mind. Women have hit me before. But I've never taken the idea seriously when given the opening.

I know I've lost a few of you for good here with this post and that's ok with me. I know that you are going to say that I have crossed a line and some lines you just can't cross. You CAN'T TALK about the idea of wanting to hit a woman.

That's funny to me. I've never hit a woman. I never will. My momma raised me right. I just think it is odd how we can't talk about something that every single man has thought at least once in his life. A few men hit all the time. I think we need to understand why.

I will never hit a woman, but I have hit a man before.

Imagine if I had led off with the statement, "I have hit men in my life." Ask yourselves if you would feel threatened by me. Would you consider the statement by itself to be toxic? I will wager you that would not have. That's because it is ok to hit a man. Men are violent and we expect violence from men towards men. Moreover; women demand violence from men.

A women will always question the masculinity of a man afraid to be violent towards another man. Every woman I date expects me to perform "violence" if the need arises. I would never expect the same from my date. I would not question her loyalty to our relationship if she failed to intercede on my behalf during an altercation. The reason for that is simple. I do not require my partner to engage in fisticuffs, not because I have "evolved" any more than the average women, I just grew up in a society that does not require women to be physically aggressive. Because of that I know I could not count on a women to help me if I were in trouble. Society explains to men early on that men must battle the world alone.

Conventional wisdom suggests that if women ruled the world we would have peace. The secret to understanding why war still exists lies not in the violent genetic disposition of men, but in how society acts upon that tendency.

Any woman who has suffered at the brutal hands of another woman's merciless teasing knows full well the cruelty that resides in their sex. Women use stealth rather than force only because women do not come prepared for physical combat the way men do. Women lose fist fights between men and women.

I can never get an agreement from women on this point. They all seem to want to say that woman are as tough as men, that they could whip us in a fight. At the same time they want to say that women are more peaceful than men. I guess from the female perspective, men are lucky that women are holding back on us. I tend to see violence in a woman's desire to argue with me over their inate ability to crush me.

I wrote this post because I was just curious to see when both men and women are going to awaken to the realization that we could live in peaceful society. Most of us are so tied into are our animal concerns about surviving that we are willing to live with violence because we fear danger. The fear of danger is the most pernicious enemy of a healthy society.

Kim Kardashian proves she is "all real" by posting jail bait pictures of her 14 year old body in a bikini. All I can say is thank you!

I am not sure what I am supposed to do with this other than thank god for the obvious gift he has bestowed upon us. I know you think I am an atheist just because I went to see Bill Mahr's movie Religiulous and when the kid in the red shirt jumped up after the movie and screamed, "I am not convinced!" I simply replied, "I am not surprised."

While that makes me a non-believer I still like to thank god for all the little things he gives me like a picture of a untalented porn and reality tv show star when she was just 14 and all natural.

I am pretty sure that shot is right out of OIU magazine circa 1984. I always loved Oui magazine because Oui is way sluttier than Playboy. Oui showed vagina lips and focused on hairy bushed women (a la the famous Demi Moore shot) before we knew that hairy bushes where not ok. I never took a razor or a clipper anywhere near my pubes until I was in my late 30's.I am sure that it way too late for me now to pretend to be down with the clean shave look, but I try because girls seem to like it.

You maybe the only person wondering where this blog has been, but I still think you count

I know Bathos does not have as many followers as the Self Help Center does, and that's ok with me. I did not stop posting here for that reason. I stopped blogging in Bathos because it can be difficult keeping up with just one blog at a public library computer terminal. I still believe in this blog like I believe in you. I know if you read this blog you are very hip "to it" and smart because you know what you like and you don't care what the rest of the world says.

You like chocolate shakes and romance novels, and guys that make fun of Sarah Palin. And you would sleep with just about anyone you could convince to go singing Karaoke with you. I don't blame you for that.

I mean I do hate that let's all pretend we can sing Korean bull shit, and I will never sing for you even though I do the best Neil Diamond impression you have ever heard, and I sing like William Shatner whenever I cover any song by a female artist.

I know I just made you wet and I know you can't help how frothy your vagina gets when you get all worked up. I just don't like thinking about all that extra juice you have down there, but I guess I am going to have to, just like I am going to have to at least "promise" to stick it in you if I am ever going to convince you to go down on me.

I sat on this post for a day or so thinking maybe a little bit of inspiration would help me write. I know I was wrong because I still don't have any inspiration and according to my stats this blog is just sitting here dying from neglect.

I know what you are thinking. I've never really had a plan for this blog and if you don't have a plan then you have planned for failing. But you believe in a lot of retarded shit so I won't hold that against you.

I think the problem is that I am spreading myself too thin. I have 4 blogs (yes, that means I have a secret blog you don't know about) and a podcast to get to, and there is no possible way you can actually come up with that much material every day if you want the material to be any good.

If this blog had a theme it would be easier to write. At least then you would know what to expect. When you read my other blogs you know what you are getting yourself into. The Self Help Center has my rants and daily life. It is part work blog, part diary, part character driven. I have no idea what this blog is. I was hoping to make it a blog that shows off my humor stylings. I also wanted a place where I could be more political and gossipy and just plain bloggy (not personal bloggy) if that makes any sense and of course it does not.

I really need to post a podcast. I have had almost a thousand downloads in the past 2 months so I think that means I have an audience. I also want to devote some time to my secret blog in the hopes that it will take off and make me rich. I know that won't happen. I have spent more money on my blog hobby than I could ever see back, but I don't mind because I know that the 10 people who read me really need me in their empty lives. And since my 10 readers are needed by 10 people in the real world and those people influence other people, well you can see how important this blog writing thing is to the whole world. So when I can't think of anything to blog I want you to know that won't stop me from blogging.

I know you guys worried that I might stop writing because I have a computer at home. You thought I could go back to not posting much, but don't worry I think I am going to keep up the manic posting schedule that I have created. Just for you, and your loved ones, and all the Cosmic Karma I can suck out of you codependent bastards.

A SAD DAY. DAVID FOSTER WALLACE IS DEAD

One of my literary heroes is dead today. David Foster Wallace, the author of Infinite Jest, has committed suicide.

I have mentioned Mr. Wallace a number of times on this blog. If you have never read any of his work take the time to go read one of his last short stories published at the New Yorker for free.

Sarah Palin "pray for pipelines, it is god's will."

"Our job is to pray and make sure that God's will is done."

Creepy stuff. First of many in the Sarah Palin watch.