Sunday, December 09, 2007

My name is Sarah Beth and I write this blog

I stopped posting on this site about six months ago because my roommates computer crashed. Something about me watching too much internet porn leads to viruses leads to me not getting to borrow his computer.

I'd like to blame this blogs lack of viewership on my lack of posting, or the fact that I don't use spellcheck. But I don't think those things have anything to do with my 6 blog authority on Technocrati.

The simple fact is this blog would be huge if it was written by a girl and not by a middle aged pervert. If I had pics on my sidebar of me as a hot 17 year old girl in a bikini, or as some sexy geek girl then the public would eat up my shit on a stick. I have the dirty sense of humor you love to hate because I think date rape is funny. But you wouldn't be worried if a girl told you date rape if funny. You'd spit your coffee latte out of you palm pilot holding iphone calling hand. Then you'd remind me that date rape jokes aren't funny unless you eat the girl afterwards. "You should eat what you kill." You'd tell me. Canabalism is great. Eating baby seals is great. Nothing tastes better than a baby seal sandwhich eaten on a private jet plane, but date rape jokes from 30 year old white guys is creepy.

If I really was Sarah Beth all the content you find objectionable would be magically smoothed over by feminine coyishness. So if it helps, think of me like my mother does, as Sarah Beth. My mom used to dress me in little girl skirts until I was 13, so I still feel a little confused about my sexuality. Mommie always told me how disappointed she was that I was born a boy. At my birth mom asked the doctor to be a little iffy with the circumcision. I think my mom's request confused the doctor, so instead of nipping the mushroom off, the doctor just took a bit off the the top. My penis is as confused as the rest of me, half circumcised, half-not. I guess what I am saying is you need to see what's left of my foreskin.

My name is Sarah Beth, and I write this blog.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I have to stop reading this blog early in the morning. Oatmeal flying out of my mouth as I laugh is not a pretty sight.

Anonymous said...

your hot. What are you wearing?