IF you are like Sarah Beth you don't like catching your b/f jacking it to the rape scene in Hitchcock's second to last movie "Frenzy"

I remember the time I caught my boyfriend jacking off to the rape scene in Alfred Hitchcock's second to last movie, "Frenzy." What was really disturbing was that he was eating a bowl of double chocolate cookie crunch ice cream at the time. It was his second bowl. I should tell you that Double Chocolate cookie crunch is my favorite ice cream flavor and he almost never leaves me any.

He tried to cover up the act by playing like he was just scratching his balls. I know how he likes to do that, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I looked over at the TV and saw the girl he had been jacking off to, and I thought the chick in the movie was old and English and not even that cute, so I figured why would he jack off to her? Then I figured maybe he wasn't jacking to her so much as maybe he liked the idea of jackin' to a girl getting raped.



"I can't believe I am dating a fucking rapist." I told him.

And that's when he began to cry and tell me how sorry he was for masturbating and that he was 'so ashamed of it' and that he was just horny and I hadn't given him any sex for sometime. I liked how he pulled the blame game back on me and I told'em I was onto that trick. "That ain't gonna work, you can jack off to anything. Why to a rape scene?"

He didn't have an answer right away. A couple of day later he mentioned that not much was on TV that night, that he wasn't allowed any porn, and he liked the movie, and the mood just struck him, but I don't believe him at all. I have no idea what I am going to do with the cumm in that bowl. Shit like that always seems to happen to me.

I got around to watching that movie and I must say that the rape scene was well shot. I think I should apologize to my ex as I had no idea that the scene included shots of titties as I assumed that Hitchcock would never have nudity in his movies. The old woman had some nice boobs with some pretty cute nipples, and my ex had a thing for chicks with big boobs and pink nipples, so I guess it is a good thing that all the girls in my family come pre-loaded with double D's. And since I don't have any kids my tits aren't all brown or nasty. I have the cutest pink nipples. I love my nipples because they are super sensitive and they get hard whenever I want them to.

I am sure my mother would have had something to day about the jacking off incident. She would have told me to just be "happy that the old boy was giving you a day off." But the truth of it all is that I wasn't the one denying him sex. It was the other way around with my ex not seeming very interested in me. I have always been kinda chubby, not fat though, just curvy, and I had gained some weight because I discovered I really like double chocolate ice cream. But then again who doesn't? I am still a super good girlfriend. I let him watch football all day on Sunday while I do the laundry. Even though I know he just invites all his friends over to get high. But he sobers up by the time I get back, and he is in a good mood then, and I guess guys need their guy time to be happy.

I had to stop by the grocery store to get some quarters for laundry. I had to trade in pennies and nickels for the quarters because the ex spent all the paper money we had on ice cream instead of using the food stamp card. He says he doesn't like to use food stamps in front of his friends and that's when I asked him, "Well, how the hell do you think I feel when I use it?" He told me I could pretend we had kids and kids are what stamps are for, and then he said if that didn't work I could always distract the cashier by showing him my boobs. I think he noticed that I put on lipstick and mascara whenever we went grocery shopping.

And I said "what if the cashier was a girl?" But then he brought up how we always seem to go to the same cashier, and how I always went over to the same guy, and I swear I thought I actually saw a little jealousy flash in his eyes. I couldn't believe it. I felt a little guilty about it, but that cashier always stared at my tits, right in front of Mike like he wasn't even there. I know it got Mike pissed, but I liked how it made sure Mike couldn't take me for granted. I know you're thinking that lots of guys just like looking at big tits, but that cashier looking at me still made me feel good. And I like that Mike always made the ride home nice. He would actually ask me about my day and shit.

Speaking of grocery sotres. There are lots of scenes in the movie that take place in what I guess passes for a grocery store in London. Instead of regular grocery stores like here in America all they have is open air markets. I am sure there is a lot of symbolism with fruit getting crushed in scene after scene along side the raping and strangling of women, but I thought it was little heavy handed so I am not even going to point it out to you. Except to say that at one point a man crushed a "box" of grapes.

A friend tells Sarah Beth that she should really buy a cassette tape adapter to play her MP3 player in her car stereo

I know you want to talk to me about how cool your wireless FM transmitter is for your i-pod, but let me stop you. For one thing I am familiar with your 1987 Volvo 740 turbo station wagon and that means I know you still have a tape deck in your car and you are probably still listening to "harden your heart" by Quaterflash whenever your husband lets you drive the car by yourself, because it is the only tape you have left from you "rock out" collection.



Sure the only time you get to leave the house with the keys to the car that you bought yourself is when you offer to take the laundry to the local coin op alone because your boyfriend promises to help you fold it when you get back. Of course we both know that you aren't going to drive all the way home with your clothes wrinkling in the backseat when you could just fold them at the Laundromat yourself.

At least your new boyfriend Kyle offers to help you with the folding. Your last guy never offered and he actually expected you to keep up with the laundry every week. I am not sure if he ever caught on to how dirty you would prefer to be. I do remember how pissed he got when he came home from work that one time to find all the clothes strewn over the floor, and you worried for a second that he might hit you even though he never did, but his temper was bad and made you cry a lot, and Kyle never gets pissed he just gets high when you take the kids out to do laundry, so I guess that is what we call a step up in this world. Score 1 point for you sweetie. Life ain't all bad.

I want you to have a good day today.

1. Remember how good it feels to wash the grease out of your hair with shampoo?
2. Cassette player adapters for mp3 players. I know you can't afford an i-pod like the one you bought your boyfriend, but the crappy 1 gig you turned your nose up at that your mom bought for you on your birthday would sound great blasting in your station wagon with the windows rolled down. (By the way wasn't it great that Kyle totally remembered your birth day and tried to warn you not to swallow if you "didn't want to" because respect is way better than anything you can buy in a store. I guess it was just too bad that you didn't hear what he said until the last second, because you still got a tiny squirt in you, but don't worry I think mouth wash cures genital warts. Anyway, those little cassette player adapters that you think only work for cd players or Walkmans can work for those knock off mp3 players and then you can listen to all your music. I could tell you that the sound quality is pretty good and I was going to try and impress you with how I looked up the "specs," but we both know we don't care about that stupid shit.

Well, I gotta go. I think Grey's Anatomy is on somewhere.

My name is Sarah Beth and I write this blog

I stopped posting on this site about six months ago because my roommates computer crashed. Something about me watching too much internet porn leads to viruses leads to me not getting to borrow his computer.

I'd like to blame this blogs lack of viewership on my lack of posting, or the fact that I don't use spellcheck. But I don't think those things have anything to do with my 6 blog authority on Technocrati.

The simple fact is this blog would be huge if it was written by a girl and not by a middle aged pervert. If I had pics on my sidebar of me as a hot 17 year old girl in a bikini, or as some sexy geek girl then the public would eat up my shit on a stick. I have the dirty sense of humor you love to hate because I think date rape is funny. But you wouldn't be worried if a girl told you date rape if funny. You'd spit your coffee latte out of you palm pilot holding iphone calling hand. Then you'd remind me that date rape jokes aren't funny unless you eat the girl afterwards. "You should eat what you kill." You'd tell me. Canabalism is great. Eating baby seals is great. Nothing tastes better than a baby seal sandwhich eaten on a private jet plane, but date rape jokes from 30 year old white guys is creepy.

If I really was Sarah Beth all the content you find objectionable would be magically smoothed over by feminine coyishness. So if it helps, think of me like my mother does, as Sarah Beth. My mom used to dress me in little girl skirts until I was 13, so I still feel a little confused about my sexuality. Mommie always told me how disappointed she was that I was born a boy. At my birth mom asked the doctor to be a little iffy with the circumcision. I think my mom's request confused the doctor, so instead of nipping the mushroom off, the doctor just took a bit off the the top. My penis is as confused as the rest of me, half circumcised, half-not. I guess what I am saying is you need to see what's left of my foreskin.

My name is Sarah Beth, and I write this blog.