Thursday, March 31, 2005

Say Hello to our newest family member.

We here at the Bathos site have often used the royal we, even when there is no apparent need to, much like the unabomber. [ The Manifesto was great read! ] Untill now we had decided to run this log by ourselves, but starting today we have a added a member with a remarkable and unique privilege to add posts to this very weblog.

The fact that such a team member knows more pimps and ho's than we can count on single hand of course simply confirms her mystic greatness, and we wait with infinite grace for her first post.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Did you know Santa Claus was a Cannibal?

Child asking : "Did you know Santa was a cannibal?"

Man replying: "Yep, Santa was a Cannibal."

Woman yelling from the other room. "Don't fill that child full of shit. You know damn well that isn't true."

Man: "Yes, he is." Man then gives child an upward glance, next his eyes roll back into his head in a tired expression of self righteousness.

Woman retorting in a huff: "No,... he simply wrote a thesis regarding the biological limitaions to an instictual taboo against cannibalism."

The woman then goes on to add "Further, his The Cultural Contradictions of Cannibalism is considered a classic in the field."

"Yea, right up there with the Joy of Cooking People I hear." The child fit to be tied is thrust into a fit of giggles upon hearing the man's sardonic rejoinder.

"It tastes like chicken." The child then speaks to himself, his eyes glassing over in a fat covered haze.

"People don't cannibalize for the taste of it." The woman corrects.

How Snickers Fights For Feminism- A post modern e-mail.

"Are You Hungry?"

Those words have been copyrighted by the Snicker Bar Company. In case you are hungry, or just need to ask someone "if they are" keep that in mind. And while keeping things in mind, keep in mind the great taste and filling nature of a Snickers Bar candy treat.

I can hear you now, "I don't want a snickers it 'll just make me fat!"

Ahhhh. What girl doesn't suffer from a body image problem? Am I Right?

So the good people at Snickers would like you to know they are just as concerned about body image as say, Camille Paglia.

Snickers doesn't want you to listen to that inner voice shaming you about your weight. Go on now. Go ahead. It's ok. Eat as much as you want and stick a giant middle finger up every American guy's ass who thinks "A size 16 pants is fat and so is your ass! "

Are you still hearing voices? Paxil might be good for you, ask your doctor what Paxil can do for you. Paxil is not right for everyone so check with your doctor. Side effects for Paxil include, loss of memory, anxiety, dry mouth, loss of sex drive and a big fat ass.

The following e-mail was brought to you by Google sponsored Text Ads. We bet you can't even find the advertisements™

and by:

"Life is better where the market is."

A message from Chamber of Commerce of the United States of America."We have the freedom you hate us for.!"™

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

50 gmail invites

I've got 50 gmail invites , not sure if this means gmail has gone national or not, but if you want one just ask!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Steve Nash Hates His Fake Girl Friend.

Just a few days ago a friend and I were out bar hopping when we decided to stop off at the local Hooter's.

The bartender that evening was an attractive blond female who liked to name drop. I discovered her propensity for this activity while eavesdropping on her conversations with other customers.

What I then overheard about local sports icon Steve Nash shocked me to the core! According to our bartender, she had been hit on by him at a party.

"Steve and I are now best friends, and I have only met him once." She swore up and down to all the customers in ear shot. "He let me take a bite of his burger." Finally adding. "
And then he said he had to get back and talk to 'the wife'."

Regarding the sobriquet "wife" the bartender explained to us that "unmarried men who dislike their girlfriends always refer to them as 'the wife'."

Her assertion was then counterpoised to the semantic stylings of married men.

Married men were said to prefer the use of the of the more laconic sounding term 'wife.' Further, she went on to claim that good married men who love their wives preferred the use of 'my wife' when reffering to their spouses.

At the time of course I did not know that Steve was actually married. So my guess is that this little skank just misunderstood Steve. He really did needed to get back to his "wife," especially as I hear that Paraguayian women have a mighty jealous streak in them.

You should also know that Steve is a really nice guy. He even has a
foundation, and this bartendar was very skinny. Maybe he just thought that she needed a bit of his food for nourishment.

Of course I
never fail to comment when I hear Steve Nash's name, it is my sworn duty to point out that while Steve Nash's performances on the field are magnificent, they are at least in part due to his extraordinary genetic heritage. I'm talking about Steve's crossed-eyed cross eyes i.e. Steve Nash is a cross-eyed mutha fucka.

Now upon hearing this obviously bit of disturbing news our nervous colt of a bartender yelped in amazement that she had "never noticed that about him." She may have even made an icky face.

I have a bad feeling I have may just cost Steve Nash some ass from this girl. For that I should apologize.

I need to add into this excitement my EXGF and her new "girlfriend" just 'happened' into the Hooter's.

God, why do lesbians think they can go there too? They've already invaded strip clubs. Is there no place for a pervert to go to objectify women in private anymore?