What follows will be part 1 of many :

A Purposeless Driven Life.

A Purposeless Driven Life®

A Magnum Opus by Romius T.

Subtitled: A compendium of all the things I have learned.

There is no purpose to life. A fact you are well aware of.

Two days have passed since your birthday. No one acknowledged your birthday.

No one should have.

By not acknowledging your birthday your friends have given you not just you a gift, but the best gift they can give you. The gift is that of awareness. Awareness of the emptiness of life.

You feel alone. Good. You are alone. There is no god.[1] Even if there is a god, he does not care about you. No serious person could believe in a personal god. But many serious people claim to believe in a non-personal god. I think you call that belief Deism. [2]

In this essay I had hoped to get around talking about the existence of god, but since I brought it up and since so many of you will have some kind of belief in god I guess I might as well tackle the belief head on.

Deism

Deism is not an acceptable answer to the purposeless driven life. That’s because deism allows many of its practitioners to see purpose in the world. The more pernicious deists see agency in nothing more than random patterns. Usually deists see the agency “behind” the phenomenal world.

Many deists see “design” in the universe and believe that means there is a god. [3] But not all deists make such easy to refute claims. Einstein:

"[If you]try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible laws and connections, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in fact, religious." [My emphasis]

Einstein was a great man. He was also a very smart man. He was much smarter than me. But is what Einstein talking about god? "Yes, you can call it that.”

Actually. No. You can’t. That’s not god.

The awe that humans feel when confronted with the “inexplicable” is understandable and it is what drives every great scientist and philosopher to truth. The desire to make sense of the world is natural. Every child is born with it. Curiosity may not be limited to humans, but it certainly is one of our finer characteristics. But it is a giant leap to go from confusion to god.

Veneration.

The problem with the Veneration of Mystery.

I don’t worship anything I don’t understand. I don’t know why anyone would. That's why I am more of a Troy Aikman kinda guy and less of a Tony Romo kinda guy.[4] Even still. That seems like a personal choice of mine and not a logical argument.[5]

Let me break down the “logical” argument for you in to several parts.

First.

Deists act like Atheists.

Einstein said that he “venerated” the “force behind” the seeming logical consistency of the world. But did he? Did he go to church? Did he light candles? Did he worship? Did he pray? How did he devote himself to the force?

The answer is he did not. That is why Spinoza was excommunicated.[6] And rightfully so. Deists never get around to really doing anything religious. They love a good mystery. They make terrific writers of constitutions, but they really have no place for gods as most people understand them. Because Deists don’t act like religious people they often get confused for Atheists. [7]

Second.

The world may not be so darn comprehensible.[8] Einstein was not a fan of Quantum Mechanics. He once famously said that “god does not play dice with the universe.” He was wrong. God does play dice. Even if god does not play dice I just wanted you to know that I knew that quote by Einstein. Also, I knew that the second I started the sentence “Einstein once famously said…” you expected me to use that quote. So I did.

I guess my point is that if Einstein would have just paid more attention to Quantum Mechanics he might have been an Atheist and saved us all a lot of trouble. [9] But he didn’t. And that is another good reason to dislike religious thinkers. (But that is still not a good enough reason to not believe!)

---

[1] I know there is no need to instruct you on the silliness of a personal god. All I have to do is point out that Zeus is not real. Nobody prays to Zeus anymore. Speaking of praying. I have no idea why people pray, or light candles. Really! When the fuck did lighting a candle ever do anything? If you think that lighting a candle can do something other than increase your contribution to the alarming growth of green house gasses into the Earth’s atmosphere then you are fooling yourself. What you really believe in is magic. And that is sad. There is no such thing as magic. I know that saying that “there is no such thing as magic” seems like a big claim, and maybe it is. You might even want me to prove. Well I am not gonna. And I think you are an asshole for suggesting to me that I should. By the way, if you believe in magic you can’t claim to be a deist. If you are not a Deist then you are in the same category as the monotheists and the crazy right wing creationists. That category is the crazy folk.

[2] At least the dictionary says it is.

[3] Do I really need to suggest to you that you go and read Kant? If you don’t want to do the research for yourself then you HAVE to take my word for it. The ontological argument is an argument only an idiot could like.

[4] I still think Tony Romo is going to win me and the Dallas Cowboys at least 2 Super Bowls.

[5] If you like big words you might have used aesthetics.

[6] I suppose you don’t know who he is either. Einstein based some of his understanding of the god force on the pantheism of Spinoza, "I believe in Spinoza's God, who reveals himself in the lawful harmony of all that exists, but not in a God who concerns himself with the fate and the doings of mankind."

[7] There is a huge fight between Atheists and theists over Einstein. It seems everybody wants a piece of him.

[8] We could play a bunch of logic games here. If the world is ultimately incomprehensible (i.e. the thing in itself that is the force behind the apparent lawfulness of the universe) how could the world be comprehensible at all? We probably need to read more Kant.

[9] Interesting side note, Einstein’s religious thinking may have clouded his scientific mind to the point that he overlooked Quantum Mechanics and thus avoided reconciling the new science with his theory of relativity ultimately dooming his quest for a theory of everything. The ultimate theory of everything would prove god does not exist which would make this whole introduction parenthetical.

I believe in one less god than you

YES WE CAN!

Simply the Funniest thing I have seen in a long time

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Can someone please explain Capitalism to me?

I don't understand. We have to give trillions of dollars to keep a system afloat that benefits the few over the many. But the only way the system stays alive is if the many give....

We are faced with a real chance to change the world. We are living in a world historic moment. But all we will do is prop up the system again. Until the next crisis.

Trillions of dollars.

We should be focused on making energy free...
We should make every home an energy producer through solar power and recycling. But we won't.

We will just give till it hurts so the rich people who run the world can keep running the world because we are so certain there are no alternatives to the mixed economy we have now....

We deserve what we get....

I write a fan letter to Ricky Gervais, because he has a blog/plus I post pictures of Miley Cyrus' side boob

Ricky Gervais is one of my favorite comedians.

Dear Ricky Gervais,

I want to say congratulations to you for having a blog (just like me.) Which I guess means we are a lot more alike than I thought. Like you I am short, chubby, and funny. Unlike you I did not find a way still make lots of money and have a big career. I just have this blog. Which means that I spend my time sitting around my house in my undershirt crying and downloading pictures of Miley Cyrus to my computer.

I will post pictures of the side boob of Miley Cyrus on every post I make from now on, or at least as long as I can, and I can't really see any reason not to. (Other than Big Bad Billy Ray Cryus.)

Enjoy the side boobs you monkey perverts.

P.S.

Ricky,

Did you know that google has not gotten around to spelling your name correctly? I would think that google has a list of all the famous people famous enough that people who don't know how to spell would be able to spell the name if the were smart enough to use google spell check. Well you aren't that famous I guess yet, even though you created the office and extras.

I mean I wasn't a big fan of the "original" office. Maybe because it was too British. What the fuck do I know? I hate Monty Python which makes me dead to some people. All I know is I love Extras. I even liked that romantic comedy you made about seeing dead people. So if you are all pissy about me hating on the Office just use all that juice and call Gooogle and tell them how to spell your frakin' name all ready.

Until then I refuse to spell Gooogle's name correctly either.

Cheers,

Romius T.

The one about the personal ad

So I wrote this devastatingly funny personal ad that I was going to post over at craigslist. Just to gauge things. I am always trying to gauge things. Figure them out. See where I am. I wouldn't need to do this, but my internet girlfriend doesn't take me serious. Why would she? I am not serious. There is nothing serious about me.

EXAMPLE:

I am driving the truck. I am driving an 18 year old girl home from work. We are talking. We talk about how I need to get the truck washed.

"A bird took a crap on my window." I tell her. Then I point to the bird crap. I point to the white stains on my driver's side window.

There is a slight pause in the conversation. Like some one is taking time to think. The 18 year old offers up a proposal. "I'll wash your car for 20 dollars."

I have no idea why this 18 year old thinks I want her to wash my car for 20 dollars. I can wash the car at the automatic car washer for 5 dollars. They even throw in a free vacuum. I just bought a new towel to dry the truck off after it gets washed.

The automatic car washer does a good job with everything except drying. It does not dry the truck completely. That's why I bought the car drying towel. Plus that and it was on clearance at work. I paid 2 dollars for it. The towel is is blue and sticky. It is made out of some kind of strange material from the future. The girl had to move the towel out of the way to sit in the passenger seat. That in and of itself should have been enough of a warning not to suggest such an outrageous fee for washing my car. Clearly I am the kind of guy who can do a bit of manual labor.

"Who would pay 20 bucks to have some kid wash the truck for them?"

"The only way I am going to pay 20 dollars for a car wash is if I get two girls in bikinis to wash the car."

Another pause. Another proposal.

"I could get candy to wash the car with kimmie."

Those are fake names. Those names are so fake that I am sure they have destroyed whatever ability you previously had to suspend disbelief in this story. I want you to know that I know that. That I know how terrible those fake names are. I want apologize for the fake names, for such bad and terrible fake names. I am sorry that I couldn't even think of anything remotely believable.

I tell the 18 year old that she should get the two girls from work that are pregnant to wash the truck. That would be hot. Preggo Car Washers. They should start a business.

"Oh no...my water just broke!" The 18 year old makes a joke.

"They could wash the car with that." I tell the 18 year old.

"You shouldn't say that." The 18 year old says. She objects to my joke. She thinks you should just keep that thought to yourself. "You can't say that out-loud." She chastises me. She knows it is natural to have the thought. She says that she thought the same thing, she just thinks you can't say that kind of thing out loud.

"Oh, no." I tell her. "You have to say that kind of thing out loud."

BACK TO THE STORY

Instead of posting the personal ad, I sent the e-mail to an online profile I picked at random. Again. Just to gauge things. Just to see if it was funny. If it was interesting. If it was good.

What am I doing? I feel guilty. I shouldn't have sent the e-mail.

I have no idea if I should feel guilty. Me and the internet girlfriend are not "going out." We are not in a relationship. I mean sure. I did buy her a diamond ring. A huge diamond ring. Maybe 100 carrots. And we will get married one day. Assuming she is foolish enough to say yes. Foolish enough to move to Arizona.

The message I sent was not really the personal ad that I was going to write. I ended up sending some (sorta) funny thing that was ignored by the recipient.

The original piece was really more like a blog post. I had it all planned out, but I had to go to work. So I lost it. It was good too. One of the best things I have ever written. As funny as anything on Craigslist that gets posted over at Fark.com. It was so damn good it might have gotten me laid.

I do remember at one point near the end I go into some tangential point about how I am sick of the "weariness" of women on craigslist.

All the women on Craigslist are weary. They are tired. They are looking for something that they can never get. A good man.

I remember thinking that I should write a "weary" post too. I am so tired of hearing how weary you are that I would prefer to have a man with the Ebola virus vomit all over me. In the post I was to write I make a descriptive comment about his yellow teeth. I have fucked up the remembrance of this thought.

It was shocking and came out of nowhere. Just this vile description of the Ebola virus. How the weariness of craigslist women bothers me like the infection from an ingrown toe nail. Yellow and full of puss. Trickles of blood.

The man's face is melting. He is puking in my lap. I see his yellow teeth. I see the steaming hot puke pile on my lap. It collects in my trousers. It soaks through to my skin. I feel wet. I am bathed in the virus. I am drenched in puke.

The lesson here for women on Craigslist is that they need not be weary.

The other lesson is that puke is not much of a turn on.

The final lesson is that some people may insist that your efforts to find new readers by posting blogs faking as personal ads seem to them like a breach of trust. Even if it is not.