Thursday, September 23, 2004

I am all out of sunflower seeds.


I have been thinking way too much about my pooh lately. I've been considerin documenting "my gifts" to the porcelain god.

My roommate has a webcam I could borrow. Then I would use those pictures to compare and contrast the color, consistency, size, and shape.

I have Mary Lou Henner to blame for my unwanted preoccupation with my bowels and it's byproducts. I caught her on television a couple of years ago while watching Larry King. She talked about how she would weigh her little poops and watch to see if they sank down or floated.

Ostensibly, shite can tell you a lot about your health. Floaters are not healthy, it means you need more fiber. And since I am a hypochondriac with no health insurance I could find no better methodology of discovering my health and constitution than by 'poop watching.'

Curiously, prior to my introduction to Ms. Henner's poop philosophy I had no idea that I went 'once a day' on a fairly regular basis.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This blows so hard my ass fell off.

Anonymous said...

You shit eating monkey fucker... I hate you.

Julie said...

Read Running with Scissors (Augusten Burroughs)--you can tell your fortune with poo, too.