Thursday, September 30, 2004

Pedro and Mini me's Mini me (edited)

What's the deal with Pedro Martinez ?

Lately Pedro has been hanging out with a midget. A man by the name of Nelson de la Rosa.

A few New York Yankee stars and their pals have lapsed into a locker room mentallity regarding the rumors that have surrounded the Boston Red Sox baseball player and his 28 inch high friend.

The controversy first started when Pedro began taking Nelson to baseball games and was seen spending a great deal of time with him. Rumors spread about Nelson's height, his effect as a magical good luck charm at baseball games, and his abnormally large penis. I know most of you will think I have turned into Howard Stern with my fixation on midgets, but frankly I think I have a great deal more to say than any old shock jock on the subject.

I only bring up Nelson's large penis and minature sized body as a segue to my latest breakthrough discovery which I discuss in my unpublished novel The Midget Manifesto (forthcoming).

I believe that Pedro and the Mini Man's Mini Man may be the world's first couple engaged openly in a new category of sex . In the Manifesto I detail the MIDGET category in contrast to the more familiar expressions of love found in homo, hetero,and k-9 sex. If Pedro is indeed having sex with this male midget (and I believe he must be) he is not engaging in any kind of gay sex, just midget sex.

When viewed from within this new paradigm the addition of midget sex as a category of sex should be seen as beneficial and add to the acceptance and understanding to all of the little peoples of the world.

So to all those Yankee fans who are spreading gossip of Pedro's mental decline or his supposed homosexuality, shame on you for throwing around such antiquated concepts and prejudice. Isn't it about time that we learn to accept the love between a boy and his midget?

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