Monday, July 28, 2008

I blog my day off in which I come to learn I can't decide how long to talk on the telephone.

Whatever strange depression I am going through shows it self in a peculiar symptom. I am unable to judge for myself how long a telephone conversation is supposed to last. I just got off the phone with an ex of mine and we talked for close to 2 hours. Most of the conversation like all conversations you have with young mothers involve the mother yelling at her child to go to sleep, or to climb off her lap, or just leave her the hell alone. That's because mothers hate their children for the most part and you can't really blame them. Children pee in the bed. Children climb down stairs to rearrange the salt and pepper shakers.

I guess that makes me lonely. That I would talk to this girl for so long. We don't have much in common. Shivers get sent down my spine when I overhear how she interacts with her children. Like she read some "how to ensure your kids become white trash" child rearing manual. Not that she ever reads.

Speaking of bad behavior and children, my good friend Miley Cyrus is at it again. She recorded a Youtube video where she and her best friend make fun of another Disney star. Miley is pissed that her boyfriend got stolen from her and is acting out like the crazed 40 year old alcoholic that is buried in her soul. I know some people are going to watch this clip and think that Miley comes off asa bit of bitch. But watch the video take off around the 2:17 mark. Miley goes off on some kind of riff about how on her videos "we don't do trick questions" and you will see some true comedic satire at its best. (I am not being sarcastic!)

Just like Miley I can't make decisions. I had a hard time trying to decide what or where to eat lunch today. I decided I wanted a Philly cheese steak. I went to buy the cheese steak from that place in the mall that sells cheese steaks and makes awesome fries they serve in a drinking cup. When I got to the mall I noticed that a meal deal cost 8 dollars and 50 cents for just a 7 inch sub. I felt that was too much money to spend on one meal when I knew that I could purchase a package of 7 steak (Y)ums for $3.50 along with 6 wheat sub buns from my bakery for $2.49.

I drove to my grocery store. The whole store gets very excited to see me when I am not working. One of the girls had been on vacation for two weeks ran up to me to tell me all about her vacation. I could tell she wanted to hug me, but she is married so we both held back. I have a feeling if I ever hugged her I would give her very first orgasm and she would become addicted to standing next to me and I don't think I need that kind of thing happening as I also don't see her leaving her husband necessarily which I think would get awkward for at least one of us.

Several other people spoke to me to tell me I looked very preppy today. I had on
a pair of jeans and my newest shirt. It is a polo style shirt from No boundaries that I purchased from Walmart for 9 dollars. It is white with blue stripes and fitted. I guess I look good in it as I got a great deal of attention and I did not even shave today. I know the Internet says that women prefer men with stubble and that there are even evolutionary studies that back this up. I am not quite certain why that is. Maybe my massive female readership can clue me into the reason.

I want to take this time to tell you that the self help center podcast has a forum section and you should make your way over there and join the community of fans that I am sure will be getting there any minute. I have started a few topics that I am sure will be worthy of your time and focus on the many issues which I discuss regularly on my blogs. Mostly you can the forum as an opportunity to start posting all those jail bait pics you have on your computer before your sister accidentally discovers them and then wipes out your hard drive, or threatens to tell your dad who will probably just have you arrested, and then all those pictures get sealed under court order as evidence, and then they will all but be lost to the world of pedarasty.

I cooked a chicken today with a faulty turkey timer. I bought the cooking timers for 10 cents at the discount items table in the hopes that they would take the guess work out of cooking entire chickens. I had to leave the chicken in for an additional 20 minutes after the turkey timer popped, so I guess that plan did not work which is just another confirmation that nothing ever happens the way you want it, so the only thing you can do is start liking what is actually happening or get bitter, and I think you should know that liking shit is not what I am about so prepare for me to get bitter.

Bitter is the only time I enjoy talking to my ex. We discuss how we hate being romantic and how we both have given up on trying to find somebody only in her case people actually want her and ask her out and the closest I come to being asked out is when the customer service slut calls me to pick my schedule and I tell her I am naked and she continues on the phone with me and when I tell her that, "this is close as we will ever get to having sex" and she answers by telling me "probably" and I take that as meaning that there is a chance we could have sex and I am going to hold her to that and all she does is giggle afterwards which means I really do have a chance because this girl has no clue about boundaries and now I just wished I was her cousin or something in the 5th grade because we'd get to see each other all the time and whatever I convinced her to do in the closet with me would remain between us because people with fucked up boundaries always keep secrets from the people they should really be telling and telling secrets to people who would be most likely to take advantage of them and if that does not sound like consent to you then you sir have way too many boundaries.

I still don't have a single digg on my podcast over at There really is no excuse.


Anonymous said...

Watch those chicks who don't know about boundaries. They have orgasms when you hug them and then they get pregnant and scream at their kids.

They scream at their kids because they're angry that they're fat now, not because of salt and pepper shakers.

And they also scream because they can never go to the bathroom by themselves either.

Romius T. said...

she did mention how she was eating all day. hmm. she used to be skinny. I think she is on the way to getting fat which means I might have a chance with her again!

aoc gold said...


In April,

Come he will,

In May,

Sing all day,

In June,

Change his tune,

In July,

Prepare to fly,

In August,

Go he must!
~by maple story accounts