My idea for a personal ad on the Craigslist

CAN i JUST START WITH SOMETHING yOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR?

Like a lot of dudes I have my fetish requirements. You should be into preggo porn. It would help if you were already pregnant of course, but we can always work on that. I have a small penis and I think you should enjoy making fun of it. I know I do. I love asian lactation videos only because they are the only kind of lactation videos I have ever seen. I won't mind if you cheat on me, but only if I get to watch and maybe film it and then jack off to it when you are at work.

Other than those basic fetish needs I am pretty normal guy who likes the same things in bed you do. If those same things are you fucking me in the ass with a small sized dildo, wearing catholic school girl outfits, and calling me daddy.

I should also let you know that I am short, bald, and kinda chubby.

I can still suck in my gut if absolutely necessary, but not for too long.

I am a non-believer and I hate dogs and don't care for cats. I would prefer a life without animals. I don't go to church. I watch way too much TV and spend all day on the Internet in pursuit of juvenile things like making up the most prurient stories and the most obnoxious things I can think of.

I know I sound like a winner, but I drive a used car that is not paid for, and I rent a room I don't own.

THERE ARE THINGS THAT YOU COULD LIKE ABOUT ME

I have been known to wash the dishes even after cooking. (I can't dust or use a vacuum.) i MAKE MY REFRIED BEANS WITH LARD AND BACON GREASE. You will thank me later after trying some. I hate pepsi.
I enjoy talking about celebrities and gossip. I never hit.

Looking for love is difficult. We are all looking for the same thing.

• some one just like us, but different

Basically we all want something better than we actually deserve, only I am willing to be with you and he probably isn't, and even if he is he just wants to use you for sex where as I could actually like you.

Now that I have you excited about meeting me are there any qualities you should possess in order for me to like you?

I can't really think of any. If you got to the end of this and were not grossed out or disgusted that it is a good start. I like the girl next door type. I like a girl who can give as good as she gets. You should be witty or at least able to recognize wit. Try not to hold it against me when I say "film" instead of "movie." I like films. I also like movies. See? I am not some kinda film snob. I do like a girl with a cute face.

TO THE STAT MOBILE, ROBIN

AGE: 37

HEIGHT: 5 FOOT 8 (UNLESS YOU CAN BEAT ME IN BASKETBALL i DONT WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN)

WEIGHT (UMM MORE THAN YOU MOST LIKELY, OK)

JOB: I GOT ONE

CAR: TRUCK (I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD PAY FOR GAS--i KID i KID ...NOT UNTIL THE FOURTH DATE...LOL)

OH SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE LOL THING

wHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR e-MAIL ME NOW AND wE CAN bE TOTALLY embarrassing PEOPLE IN LINE AT THE MOVIE BY MAKING OUT .....

I don't think I will be getting any responses, but if I do I will post them.