Thursday, July 03, 2008

My idea for a personal ad on the Craigslist

CAN i JUST START WITH SOMETHING yOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR?

Like a lot of dudes I have my fetish requirements. You should be into preggo porn. It would help if you were already pregnant of course, but we can always work on that. I have a small penis and I think you should enjoy making fun of it. I know I do. I love asian lactation videos only because they are the only kind of lactation videos I have ever seen. I won't mind if you cheat on me, but only if I get to watch and maybe film it and then jack off to it when you are at work.

Other than those basic fetish needs I am pretty normal guy who likes the same things in bed you do. If those same things are you fucking me in the ass with a small sized dildo, wearing catholic school girl outfits, and calling me daddy.

I should also let you know that I am short, bald, and kinda chubby.

I can still suck in my gut if absolutely necessary, but not for too long.

I am a non-believer and I hate dogs and don't care for cats. I would prefer a life without animals. I don't go to church. I watch way too much TV and spend all day on the Internet in pursuit of juvenile things like making up the most prurient stories and the most obnoxious things I can think of.

I know I sound like a winner, but I drive a used car that is not paid for, and I rent a room I don't own.

THERE ARE THINGS THAT YOU COULD LIKE ABOUT ME

I have been known to wash the dishes even after cooking. (I can't dust or use a vacuum.) i MAKE MY REFRIED BEANS WITH LARD AND BACON GREASE. You will thank me later after trying some. I hate pepsi.
I enjoy talking about celebrities and gossip. I never hit.

Looking for love is difficult. We are all looking for the same thing.
  • some one just like us, but different

Basically we all want something better than we actually deserve, only I am willing to be with you and he probably isn't, and even if he is he just wants to use you for sex where as I could actually like you.

Now that I have you excited about meeting me are there any qualities you should possess in order for me to like you?

I can't really think of any. If you got to the end of this and were not grossed out or disgusted that it is a good start. I like the girl next door type. I like a girl who can give as good as she gets. You should be witty or at least able to recognize wit. Try not to hold it against me when I say "film" instead of "movie." I like films. I also like movies. See? I am not some kinda film snob. I do like a girl with a cute face.

TO THE STAT MOBILE, ROBIN

AGE: 37

HEIGHT: 5 FOOT 8 (UNLESS YOU CAN BEAT ME IN BASKETBALL i DONT WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN)

WEIGHT (UMM MORE THAN YOU MOST LIKELY, OK)

JOB: I GOT ONE

CAR: TRUCK (I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD PAY FOR GAS--i KID i KID ...NOT UNTIL THE FOURTH DATE...LOL)

OH SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE LOL THING

wHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR e-MAIL ME NOW AND wE CAN bE TOTALLY embarrassing PEOPLE IN LINE AT THE MOVIE BY MAKING OUT .....

I don't think I will be getting any responses, but if I do I will post them.

4 comments:

Surgeon in my dreams said...

You make me hot just reading about you.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Dude, we're almost mirror image of one another.

Romius T. said...

Thanks surgeon! Too bad you are married. O wait I dont mind.

Doc ,,that is why we are best blog buddies!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/briankusler/2337430825/