My life has become a Sienfeld Episode!

Earlier today my two dorkiest friends came over needing me to solve an urgent dilemma for them. It appears that they both had written a song and wanted me to judge which was better. One of my friends likes country and the other liked Rap. Both equally felt it was be easy to write a song from the others genre and set out to prove their point. Now it's up to the readers of this blog to determine the truth.

Here is the first song:

EAST SIDE CREW

Suckers, bow down! Gonna indicate, vindicate and orchestrate
My room full o hos and bitches, my home town crew, and my switches,
My fly G-ride, my boys East Side.
Gonna indicate we don't perpetrate.
We a organized motherfuckin syndicate!

You a punk, bitch!
And you never be free
As long as you wanna be
Just like me!

Your fuckin balls ascend when we descend
Coz you can't comprehend the Men among men.
You try to hide your hos coz you know they goes
Where the green grass grows and the bass beat flows
Their thongs get moist when I roll up in my Royce
And they know their choice, when they hear my voice.

You a punk, bitch!
And you never be free
As long as you wanna be
Just like me!

Harlem girl, my Puerto Rican Haitian,
I'm da pimp of da Nation, accepting applications
Gonna make you my whore, don't care if you're poor
Gotta settle the score, make you beg for more
Gonna take you on adventures, don't care bout yo dentures
Coz you sweet. You a treat. And you don't need no teef to eat my meat.

You a punk, bitch!
And you never be free
As long as you wanna be
Just like me!

You try to break it down with your broken down sound
Singin like a clown, frontin downtown
But your girls they lie as they roll Eastside
After leavin your side, they jockin my fly
They lick my ass after taking your cash
Then I pimp their ass , and I make mo stash.

You a punk, bitch!
And you never be free
As long as you wanna be
Just like me!

You a punk, bitch!
And you never be free
As long as you wanna be
Just like me!

Included for observation was fake liner notes as well!

Liner Notes

This polemic lauds the glories of JC's notorious East Side Crew (also known as the Notorious ESC) Cleverly putting all perpetrators and fronters in their respective places, JCs first rap song employs many classic themes common to the rap genre. JC's touts the proficiencies and virility of himself and his East Side Crew, while simultaneously demeaning the masculinity and sincerity of his rivals.

But make no mistake. This song is also about love, as is tenderly shown in the song's bridge. J.C., rapping to an unknown Puerto Rican Haitian breaks down his desire to take her on untold adventures and shows his willingness to look past her dental deficiencies. The mystery surrounding the identity of the object of JC's affection is reminiscent of the restrained enigmatic tension evoked by a casual gazing upon the Mona Lisa.

Now here is the second song.

Don’t Fight a Midget at the Rodeo Nights

Feeling good on my way to Ro-de-o Nights
Wearin’ my cowboy boots and Wrangler’s so tight
Lookin’ for a cowgirl to take home with me tonight
Just a regular night on the town

Spotted the cutie as I walked in the door
I signaled to her meet me on the dance floor
And as we two-stepped I knew I was gonna score
Until a midget tapped me on my knee and said . . .

‘Scuse me partner, you’re dancing with my wife
Yeah, I’m a midget, but I know how to fight
Lets you and me take this party outside
Fightin’ a midget at the Rodeo Nights

I laughed and laughed as I looked way down
But with one chop he had me on the ground
I was in shock, but as I tried to turn around
He was draggin’ me outside of the bar

He punched my gut and kicked some dirt in my eye
I guess I shouldn’t have laughed at this little guy
Was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry
But I choked by my tears and said . . .

‘Scuse me shorty, didn’t know she was your wife
Yeah you’re a midget, but I don’t wanna fight
Lets you and me shake hands and call it a night
Fightin’ a midget at the Rodeo Nights

He said “Put your dukes up or are you too scared?”
I said “With your size it just wouldn’t be fair.”
He swiped at my legs and my feet went in the air
A crowd gathered and they started to cheer.

I couldn’t get up, couldn’t open my eyes
He said “Next time pick on someone your own size.”
If you’re at Rodeo Nights it wouldn’t be wise
To go two-steppin’ with that midget’s wife.

When you see a little partner with his tall blonde wife
Yeah, he’s a midget but he puts up a good fight
I would suggest to you to run for your life
Don’t fight a midget at the Rodeo Nights
Don’t fight a midget at the Rodeo Nights!!!

Now here comes the liner notes:

“Don’t Fight a Midget at the Rodeo Nights” is mo’ than a whack ass country song. It’s about juice, respect,, lovin your bitch so much that you’d fight for her, and of course, MIDGETS!!!

What had happened was, this white dude (he’s clearly white b/c he’s wearin Wranglers, yo) was lookin for some trim at this spot called Rodeo Nights. When he finally peeps a chickenhead to bang (skeet skeet), he finds out that honeydip is wifed up by a shorty on the for real. Word! Her old man is a midget (or height challenged).

So, midget pulls white Wrangler dude aside to conversate about the mad disrespect he’s showin for him and his wifey. When Wrangler dude laughs, Midget wants to box, but Wrangler dude isn’t tryin to hear that. But midget punks his ass by takin dude out at the knee level. Then, midget tells Wrangler dude to scrap with someone his ouw size if he doesn’t want to get clowned again. The moral of the story is don’t reckless eyeball a midget’s old girl if you don’t wanna get your honkey ass beat like you stole some money. One!

Since Neither of my friends trusts my judgement maybe yall out in cyberland can judge for them!

So that's how this photo thingy works

Wow I can Computer good. Now I just need help figuring how to get the pic on my blogger profile any suggestions yall?

Even more Good news I have added Blogrolling links, BEG and I will aDd you!!

Why get a job if you can start a new blog?

I have created a new blog

The Silent Totalitarianism

The first in a continuing series on the coming 'Silent Totalitarianism' I present this L.A. Times Article on government tracking of your automobile.

DMV Chief Backs Tax by Mile:

"Privacy advocates worry about the government tracking the whereabouts of every car in California. In one scenario currently being tested in Oregon tracking devices send a signal to a GPS satellite following the car, and that information would be used to calculate the tax bill. Other devices send a signal directly from the car to the pump, which calculates the tax based on the odometer reading."

The coming consumer age will not be a friendly one, so you'd better bring your I.D. and make sure your credit is good, because the next faze of Capitalism is about to dawn, and it won't take American Express at least not without proper Biometrics.

Late capitalism has begun to enter a faze that will require complete efficiency in the marketplace between consumer and retailer. Efficiency has always been the buzz word with proponents of the market economy. At one point markets needed 5 year olds to put their tiny fingers in tiny places. It wasn't because the Industrial Revolution liked child labor, it was because children were more efficient workers than their large-handed parents.

When blue-collar workers lost their jobs to the machinations of creative destruction, we were told it was all in the name of efficient markets and the creation of a new service /information economy. Like a junkie in search of a hit, Capital just can't help itself. It needs efficient markets, and new avenues of efficient operations.

But where will the next developments come from? Despite Walmart's towering achievements, one can only gleam so much from the manufacturer/retailer side of the coin. What marketers have known all along is that it's far better to make the consumer efficient. Get rid of bad consumers who are not profitable and service only the rich , stupid or the lazy.

The Wall Street Journal in it's "Classroom Edition" proclaims in a headline that "Best Buy wants to keep the wrong kind of consumer out of it's stores."

And I don't just mean thieves, vagabonds, and the homeless. I mean if you shop around, read the fine print, refuse to give private information about yourself, then your a bad customer and god forbid if you decide want to return something.

The WSJ won't even pretend to hide their class antagonism, workers should learn something from them. Also isn't great to see false consciousness being laid out to the working class at school?

Liberal Media my ass, imagine the outcry if a communist rag or union paper was "devoted to preparing young people for the decisions that will shape their economic future" like the Wall Street Journal is.

Books that made a difference.

• 1844 Manuscripts by Karl Marx-The religious text for the industrial masses. The full scope and power of Marx's appeal lies here in the deep Humanism this book displays. No finer book exists in putting forward the need for a materialist and humanistic program.
• The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness by Eric Fromm-converted me to Marxism, should be banned for it's effect on the weakly liberal.
• Ego and Instinct by Daniel Yankelovich and William Barrett-a masterful reinterpretation of Freudian thought. But it's hidden surprise is it's take on Newtonian physics.
• Theoretical Perspectives in Sociology-editor Scott G. McNall-still an authoritative source.
• Walden by Henry David Thoreau-"The mass of men live lives" is the the quote I live by. Anytime I feel overcome by the consumerism of this world I reach back for this little book.
• Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Satre-my stepmother hated this book and worried that I read it. No one feels the modern man's isolation and despair like Satre.
• The Lonely Crowd by David Reisman-If I were only inner-directed! Very friendly writing that would get anyone excited about soicial theory. Very American.
• Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain by Antonio R. Damasio-Smashes the idea that thinking can be seperated from emotion.
• SOCIETY OF MIND by Marvin Minsky. You will never feel the same about homonucli again.

Blog Shares!

I have listed this blog on blogshares, it is now your sworn duty to buy up the shares and make me pretend rich!

Introducing the Voice.

The Voice: I am mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

not the voice: No, that's just a TV show I saw last night.

The Voice: Actually it was a movie, Network, and it got 4 stars. It starred Fay Dunaway. She looked skinny and cute in it.

So you see what I'm saying I am not Mad. This is not some kind of religious epiphany, or some kind of psychotic breakdown.

Not the voice: It's just cuz I'm on the internet.

The Voice: That's correct, then you understand the problem from the film?

Me/not the voice: It was the Arabs ...?

The voice: You didn't get to the end of the movie then. It has to do with the End of History. Globalization, and eventually how we will all worship the Company.

Not the voice: But isn't that Fukuyama?

The Voice: The movie anticipated him. In fact you might say he stole his whole thesis from it. Though he was hardly alone, I mean look at Max Headroom and Broadcast News, could they have been more derivative?

Misanthrope of the Month!

This months nominee for "Misanthrope of the Month" (c.2005) goes by the name Terry Liddle. Mr. Liddle made this curious comment:

"For sure, the enslavement of millions of Africans by Europeans and Americans from the late 15th to the mid-19th century merits close comparison with the position of non-human animals in today’s capitalist society."

An Asshat like that is far more Misanthropic than I could ever be! Attention all of you PETA members , you all suffer from a form of pyschopathology. - you hate your species.

Mr. Liddle goes on to defend himself against charges that he is evil:

"Many animal rights activists are rightly suspicious of the Left which they see as manipulative and dishonest, interested not in furthering the cause but solely in recruiting to the vanguard party. They are not, however, misanthropes and terrorists despite all the scare stories."

You hate your species. Join the blog of choice, Bathos, and take the award, you deserve it!

Weekly world News Takes a Stand!

The Weekly World News presented their top 10 list of Ugly people in the world.

Surprise, Surprise! The Phoenix area cop who was burned ( nearly to death) made the list.

This really should not come as a shock, as the young man is quite the horror show.

But Circle K in an act of PURE corporate cowardice has cowardly removed the "offending" magazines.

Later, a local news channel covering the controversy, even mentioned the other magazines owned by the media company in a futile attempt at starting a boycott.

I must decry all this hypocrisy, as I can not stand the disingenuous nature of the attacks on WWN. Most of you gals out there won't date a guy losing a bit of hair, and what guy out there likes a chubby girl? Fat girls get no love baby!

And don't give me this shit about how he's a hero, COPS are not heroes!
Now the Hero Cop wants to sue the publication for it's opinion.

The man is ugly, deal with it. Now Sue Me Bitch!