Thursday, October 27, 2005

5 Things About the Future that Make Me Uneasy!

#5 Super computers take over the world.

Supercomputers are getting smarter everyday. Do I think something on the order of The Next Dominant Species or Colossus is coming? Probably not. My guess is we won't let the computers get that smart, and I have little faith in the sudden "It's alive!" paranoia that feeds the Matrix or Terminator Movies. My guess is we will become indistinguishable from our computer friends.

But I do worry, I mean it is possible that HAL may be out there ready to kick our ass. And that would be bad.

#4 Hybrids or Chimeras

The Humanzee is real. And I am not just talking about that obnoxious fake Oliver "documentary" either (by the way I saw a second waste of time on that fucker just a few days ago on Discovery-those Fuckers owe me 1 hour of my life back.)

Like the Bionic Man, we have the technology to do it. We can put human brains cells in mice. Wouldn't it be nice to have a parrot that just didn't parrot. Fuck it , bring on the "Planet of the Apes!" I always liked that Rodney Mc Dowell anyways.

#3 Eugenics/the end of men/genetic manipulation

The future will give us a world of designer babies, thank god. JezebelsRiot will finally no longer have to pretend your baby is cute. My baby will be fast, and spit venom on its enemies from 16 feet.

But future lesbians (and all modern girls are) will get rid of men. Apparently we will not be needed as sperm donors and as all we can do otherwise is provide date rape, domestic abuse, the opening of jars and lids, and sweeps of World Series games (fucking Astros) we are not of much use to the "clitorally" centered orgasm seekers. I ask only what's wrong with trying the old fashioned way, it works for me.

It will be strange to be human in the future, we will have genes that allow us instant and total recall of memory (another reason most men will be glad not to be around), genes to change our color, and genes that will no longer require us to eat.

Mark my words though ladies, your gonna miss us. Have you ever caught an episode of America's Next Top Model? YEah. An estrogen rich world is not without its faults. Because "bitches" [I mean this in the hip-hop sense of the word] never face the "fear" of exploding male rage, they will never develop the desire to keep the fucking mouths shut.

#2 Mad COW Disease turns out to be real. We Can't eat real food!

That would really suck, if you own McDonald's stock think about chucking it in the next century. For one even if they don't find a cure for Mad Cow, through the magic of genetics they will be talking to you. That's fucking creepy. Plus with my luck, eating meat really will "fuck up your brain." Man I love animals, they taste great. In the future its all gonna be veggies and air. Air sucks.

#1 Cyborgs

I have already discussed this , but all paranoids delusions and fears get mixed up. In the future we are all gonna be Cyborgs. There is no getting around this. Even if you don't want to (unless of course you want to be a Humanzee.) The only good thing about this is you won't have to find a computer to google something. Conversations will be a combination of reading Wikpedia and viewing a MySpace page. Yep that's right. Unicorns. Everywhere.

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