Saturday, January 21, 2006

Are you Hot or Not?


"It hit me like a 2 ton... heavy thing."

I don't like quoting Queensryche lyrics anymore than you like reading them, but sometimes we got's to keep it real!

I ask the deep questions here at Bathos, like are you Hot or Not? My guess, you're probably not. Try not to take any offense to that. Yes, I am better looking than you, but I have had Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes praying to Xenu for my ass. What have you done... been to the gym lately? Extra cheese tastes great ...till it winds up all cellulited and cankled.

If you think you are hot, but you're not...well... you're not alone. There have been over a billion rankings so far on that website Hotornot and the average is 5.5. I am not a math major, but it seems to me that the average on a 1 through 10 scale is a five.

So...get a picture in your mind ...about just how hot you are ..is it a 3..5...9? I don't care what it is, subtract a half point and there you really are.

Here's a tip for those (chicks) who have wandered around the Earth thinking they're hot when they're not..

Geek-girl--( I think I am an 8) Did you attend the Midnight opening of Serenity? Did you attend it because you thought it was gone be cool? Where you adored by 74 geeks and Nordic or some mixture of dorks, and dweebs? Could you dip you dirty tampon in a glass with celery and get them all to believe it's a Bloody Mary?

Ya, great..sorry sweetie ...you're a bout a Six. Your IQ is about 120. You are completely unremarkable. You would have remained so, execept you discovered you had a lesbian fetish after watching (and being turned on) by an episode of Xena Warrior Princess. Don't worry, no one suspects it because you are constantly surrounded by a dozen guys who last got their rocks off masturbating to Leia in the golden bikini (Jedi rules Bitches!)

Sci-fi Poser Chick- You attended the midnight screening of Serenity because you knew you'd be the hottest chick there (other than ones on the screen) and your Dungeon and Dragons playing boyfriend practically came in his pants when he heard the words "theatrical release."

[your actual appearance] Negative 2.

While at reenactment scenes from the Renaissance Fair people constantly point out your ample bosom. That's because you're fat. But you have really nice hair, which you thinks covers up for the fact that you are fat. It doesn't, it's just a waste of some really nice hair on a fat chick. Here's a pointer, put down the twinkies... and nobody gives a shit about your new highlights.

2 comments:

Jezebelsriot said...

What does it mean if I have no fucking clue what Serenity is?

Cavalor Epthith said...

We pay big bucks for this brand of sweet vitriol in Hell. Keep on rockin !

Cavalor Epthith
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork