Thursday, April 13, 2006

My GMAIL knows you dumped me, or Google me this bitch.

Modern relationships are weird. Technically I am too old to know about "modern" relationships. When I was 15, girls mostly played with My Little Ponies.

Today most 15 year olds are on selling "used panties" from their 12 member gang bangs. They wear jewelry which advertises if they go to third base and what not.

Generation Y invented the term "friends with benefits." Because of that, when you "date" Millenial Kids you never know where you're at. Gen Y girls don't use terms like boyfriend or dating or seeing other people. Nevertheless, when they do get around to telling you they have been "avoiding telling you something," it can still seem like they really never said anything after all.

That's why I have to thank god for G-Mail. If you don't know anything about G-Mail let me explain. G-Mail provides a nearly bottomless supply of storage space. They like to brag that you don't ever have to delete anything. They also have a wonderful search system that allows you to quickly find past emails.

All of these wonderful services are brought to you for free. But this is America, so nothing for "free" is really free. Instead G-mail makes money by inserting "relevant text ads" **alongside your messages. Here is the company line

"Yes, there are small, unobtrusive, and relevant text ads alongside your Gmail messages, similar to those on the side of Google search results pages. The matching of ads to content is a completely automated process performed by computers. No humans read your email to target the ads, and no email content or other personally identifiable information is ever provided to advertisers. Ads are never inserted into the body text of either incoming or outgoing Gmail messages and you won't see any pop-ups or untargeted banner ads in Gmail. In fact, Gmail users have even told us that they've found our ads to be interesting and even useful."

They're right of course, the ads are quite relevant. For instance one of the ads placed near a recent message asked me this pertinent question "On the edge of a breakup?" As the e-mail "conversation" progressed, G-Mail followed the tract of the discussion quite well. It moved from the possibility of a breakup to "I used to Miss Him" survival guides for dealing with breakups, to "Can you fix this?" to "Maybe it's time to think about Match.Com huh?"

Near the end I stopped reading the lengthy diatribes against my "laziness and degenerate gambling" she typed and just started to follow the relavant text ads. I figured G-Mail new more about my "non-relationship" relationship than I did.

And I was right. Thanks G-MAIL.

** I have experimented my self with relevant text ads. Unfortunately mine was a near complete failure.


foxxxylove said...

My heart aches for you. Ok, not really, but that's pretty pathetic.

romiustexis said...

I am so pathetic, dang it