Thursday, May 11, 2006

Well at least we live in a "Formal Democracy."


Or is that formally a Democracy? USA Today the last bastion of investigative reporting discovered that George W. has been spying on a ton of phone calls placed in the US between you and your best friend.

Attention all left wingers-please stop using Verizon, AT&T, and Bell South unless you want to get picked up for some "non-torture" interrogation during Bush's third term.

Congratulations to USA-Today for breaking the story. And congrats to Fox and Friends for being the first asshats to spin the story for the administration.

A few hours before any other news service online or TV picked up the secret story, --"USA Today went all unpatriotic"-- we're informed by the fetchingly blond and leggy Republican E.D. Hill

E.D. then winks at the camera and coos "You know those guys over at the USA Today just love the terrorists."** When E.D. is not asking viewers to smell her boots*** she is asking her viewers to choose who they should believe, "Who do you believe the NY Times or the President?" You know, as if the Decider never lies and Pulitzer Prize winners are simply leftist propaganda machines.

Friday Fox and gals opened up their chirpy banter with zingers like "did the government know what breakfast you had today?" And reminded us that all this spying is old news "this is really just a Clinton based program called Echelon."

I am sure E.D. thought it was all just "grand" then. But her analogy with Echelon is wrong. First, Eschelon was created 40 years ago, so it's not a Clinton program. Secondly, it was designed to follow the content of signals and so was not a data mining program. E.D. should have referenced the Total Information Awareness founded by disgraced Reagan official Admiral Poindexter.

My friend and I get further treated to Fox & Friends anchors telling us not to "jump to any conclusions and not to worry because the bugging came with the full cooperation of many major corporations. " The one exception was Quest who was worried about their customer relations image. "I know you are gonna think this is bad," E.D. adds "but... just read the entire article..it's about fighting terrorism."

Christ, I can't believe anybody over at Quest ever got anything right.

I don't want to alarm any of you, but Congress and the Justice Department are not allowed to investigate into the illegal tapping of American phones, because the National Security Agency has refused to grant Justice Department lawyers security clearance. That seems very Democracy like.

So there's nothing to see here folks, go about your business. Ignore all this....and please... some of you visit me in Cuba sometime.

**OK, maybe that's not exactly "objectively" what happened. I say "Fuck the Truthiness."
*** That really happened on Friday.

1 comment:

Chris Dudley said...

I can't believe you can sit through Fox and Friends. What's fucking wrong with you?

I really need to know. My dad can watch Fox all day and he's a raving liberal. I have to know what to do about it. Have you ever tried to find a cure?

I wonder if they planted a chip in his head. Any odd bumps appear on your skull after a night of drinking lately?

You see I have this theory...