If I read how one more person likes to watch movies and enjoys listening to music I am going to puke on myself. Then I am going to make you eat it off my stomach, because that's how I roll.
I roll with a giant plastic tarp attached to my truck that I lie out before you, all the while forcing down your throat the puked out residue of my intestines, all because I get sick of reading the same banal shit about how you enjoy doing things that are awesome, but hate doing things that suck.
Other things that make me want to decapitate you? When you talk about how you are interested in being challenged, and how you need a man with goals. I don't have any goals. I think goals are stupid. What happens if you get all your goals before you are dead. Do you just sit there for the rest of your life wishing you had sucked at the lower levels of life more?
Life is not a video game.
If I have to read one more personal ad about how you want to "grow" I will be forced to grind your decapitated head into hamburger meat and feed it to your now orphaned children.
Grow what? The only thing I have noticed growing is your ass. And now it has gotten way too big for either of us to know what to do about it.
The only thing I can think of for you is to for you to continue your junior college study of Oprah on the Lifetime network and for me to start dating your teenage daughter. At least she puts out on the first date.
Signed.
An exasperated man.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Nothing much happened today.
Which I guess is okay if you are me. I mean who am I to ask for things to happen to me just so I can write them down for you to enjoy.
Number 1.
You don't enjoy anything. So why the hell should I go about the hard task of taking all the mundane shit that happens to me and try to make it seem interesting.
I won't. And I don't.
But at least I am writing in this blog again. I think we can just turn this blog more into a daily journal than a place to go for my creative writing since my creative writing is so shitty anyway.
Poop Watch
I took one today. The house is full of mosquitoes. I am sure that is a coincidence.
My computer is running slow again. I am out of memory. I need a new internal hard drive (or maybe external)/ I need some more RAM as well.
I know I mentioned that before but I think it is important to repeat oneself as much as one can get away with it.
Not that I did here as what I just wrote bored the shit out of me.
I am doing laundry.
That was more boring. But I am not going to worry about that. I am just gonna keep typing because I am going to start writing every day here at this blog.
Like it or not.
I watched 24 today. I made a giant pizza and ate the entire thing.
I told my brother I am not going to get an i-pod touch. I have a classic and I am (one day) going to get an Android based phone so I don't really see the need for an i-pod touch or i-phone.
I hate the new i-pad. Who has money to buy something that is a niche filler and not a necessity?
Fan boys I guess.
I am going to file this post under worst written post ever. I am sorry I wasted your time. I just need to get in the habit of writing every day.
Number 1.
You don't enjoy anything. So why the hell should I go about the hard task of taking all the mundane shit that happens to me and try to make it seem interesting.
I won't. And I don't.
But at least I am writing in this blog again. I think we can just turn this blog more into a daily journal than a place to go for my creative writing since my creative writing is so shitty anyway.
Poop Watch
I took one today. The house is full of mosquitoes. I am sure that is a coincidence.
My computer is running slow again. I am out of memory. I need a new internal hard drive (or maybe external)/ I need some more RAM as well.
I know I mentioned that before but I think it is important to repeat oneself as much as one can get away with it.
Not that I did here as what I just wrote bored the shit out of me.
I am doing laundry.
That was more boring. But I am not going to worry about that. I am just gonna keep typing because I am going to start writing every day here at this blog.
Like it or not.
I watched 24 today. I made a giant pizza and ate the entire thing.
I told my brother I am not going to get an i-pod touch. I have a classic and I am (one day) going to get an Android based phone so I don't really see the need for an i-pod touch or i-phone.
I hate the new i-pad. Who has money to buy something that is a niche filler and not a necessity?
Fan boys I guess.
I am going to file this post under worst written post ever. I am sorry I wasted your time. I just need to get in the habit of writing every day.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I need to get a PO Box so you can send me drugs through the mail. I hear that is totally safe.
After 3 weeks of coughing out phlegm I think that the bacteria have finally surrendered, or at least they have figured out a way to peacefully co-exist within my lungs. Either way I am happy. I am done coughing up and spitting mucus into a paper towel or giant noogies on the street.
I've alway found the practice of hocking up mucus to be disgusting- even when I am amazed by the strength and power some men demonstrate when they engage in the practice.
It seems to me that those men are not at all bothered by such a practice and it also seem that those men always have girl friends so it may be the case that I am doing it all wrong and they best way to attract women is to spit something up on the asphalt.
Let me know ladies.*
*your response can't be that yo find the habit disgusting. you need to address the fact that all these men have gf's and I don't. otherwise you two cents ain't worth one.
If you read my other blog (and you also read this blog) then you might want to get a real hobby like taking PCP.
Like I said if you read the other blog (who reads this one?) then you might have gotten the impression that I am calm motherfucker on PCP.
That's not exactly true.
I'm a fucking maniac. I can't even describe what the fuck happened last time I was on it. Let's just say I participated in a number of felonies.
Don't do PCP with your crazy crack head gf. She will want to use the kid she pooped out as fodder for comic relief. And two year olds are not very good at running even from people on PCP.
"Don't worry Bobby, I'm not on PCP anymore."
The kid will fucking believe you know matter how many times you lie to him.
Really, I mean two year old's are almost clinically retarded.
In a side note finding PCP and E is really difficult right now. Damn near impossible. If you can (and it's legal) send me some to my PO BOX. You'd really be helping a mother fucker out.
p.s.s
I'm going to a rave this Saturday. Hopefully I will grab a lot of crotch! I hear chicks go to raves and don't take anything because all the E takers are all love and dovey and not aggressive jerks like most guys who drink.
They have no idea that I get horny as shit on E and I get all crazy intense with my ASS GRABBIN' (registered trademark of the ASS GRABBIN Halloween Costume Company).
Pretty sure I'll get away with it, but we will see.
PSSS
Really bad insomnia for the last month. Also headaches. I wonder if my brain hurts from all the experimenting I'm doing.
I've alway found the practice of hocking up mucus to be disgusting- even when I am amazed by the strength and power some men demonstrate when they engage in the practice.
It seems to me that those men are not at all bothered by such a practice and it also seem that those men always have girl friends so it may be the case that I am doing it all wrong and they best way to attract women is to spit something up on the asphalt.
Let me know ladies.*
*your response can't be that yo find the habit disgusting. you need to address the fact that all these men have gf's and I don't. otherwise you two cents ain't worth one.
If you read my other blog (and you also read this blog) then you might want to get a real hobby like taking PCP.
Like I said if you read the other blog (who reads this one?) then you might have gotten the impression that I am calm motherfucker on PCP.
That's not exactly true.
I'm a fucking maniac. I can't even describe what the fuck happened last time I was on it. Let's just say I participated in a number of felonies.
Don't do PCP with your crazy crack head gf. She will want to use the kid she pooped out as fodder for comic relief. And two year olds are not very good at running even from people on PCP.
"Don't worry Bobby, I'm not on PCP anymore."
The kid will fucking believe you know matter how many times you lie to him.
Really, I mean two year old's are almost clinically retarded.
In a side note finding PCP and E is really difficult right now. Damn near impossible. If you can (and it's legal) send me some to my PO BOX. You'd really be helping a mother fucker out.
p.s.s
I'm going to a rave this Saturday. Hopefully I will grab a lot of crotch! I hear chicks go to raves and don't take anything because all the E takers are all love and dovey and not aggressive jerks like most guys who drink.
They have no idea that I get horny as shit on E and I get all crazy intense with my ASS GRABBIN' (registered trademark of the ASS GRABBIN Halloween Costume Company).
Pretty sure I'll get away with it, but we will see.
PSSS
Really bad insomnia for the last month. Also headaches. I wonder if my brain hurts from all the experimenting I'm doing.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Suicide Christmas Cards
There is always bad weather around Christmas time. The wind won't stop blowing, the rain won't stop falling. Raining down on me like the bullets rained down that night at Columbine.
What a fucking night that must have been!
Dear Mom & Dad
This is just a little card to let you know that I care.
If you were wondering if Uncle Tommy's molesting had something to do with my decision to smash my head like one of those Halloween pumpkins that David Letterman tosses off buildings in his crazy "throw stuff off tall building segments" then you were straight up correcto!
You should really think about getting on that TV show "So you think you are smarter than a 5th grader?"
Because for the first time in your lives...YOU WERE!~
Love,
Billy "your head look a little bit like a pumpkin that got pushed off a 10 story building."
p.s.
Dirty Hairy was right, " A Colt 45 does some magnificent damage."
What a fucking night that must have been!
Dear Mom & Dad
This is just a little card to let you know that I care.
If you were wondering if Uncle Tommy's molesting had something to do with my decision to smash my head like one of those Halloween pumpkins that David Letterman tosses off buildings in his crazy "throw stuff off tall building segments" then you were straight up correcto!
You should really think about getting on that TV show "So you think you are smarter than a 5th grader?"
Because for the first time in your lives...YOU WERE!~
Love,
Billy "your head look a little bit like a pumpkin that got pushed off a 10 story building."
p.s.
Dirty Hairy was right, " A Colt 45 does some magnificent damage."
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I should use this blog for something
My Dumps:
I took a massive stinky dump at midnight. Shit stinks, but the smell from my dump worried me. It was the smell of cancer or sickness. I took another dump earlier today. Though that dump was small. Not even perfunctory. Just like the eraser tip from a pencil. More annoying than anything. The big dump was gray. Better than the black dumps I have had for the last week or more.
Media Consumption:
I watched the Daily Show. Two episodes. I listened to Twilight on the Env3. Book 1 parts 4 and 5. I watched the final 20 minutes of Law Abiding Citizen. I watched Full Moon the movie. Am I turning into a 16 year old girl? How the fuck does Twilight part 2 end with a marriage proposal. I was like "get the fuck out of here!" I know Bella will say yes. I am sure of it!
Hypochondria:
My back hurts. My liver hurts. My liver pain may only be back pain, but you never know. The pain in the liver comes on the lower left hand side of my back. I think I need a new bed. The back pain is worse because of it. I think my testicles have something growing in them. Whatever it is, it is getting bigger.
SEX:
I did not masturbate today.
I took a massive stinky dump at midnight. Shit stinks, but the smell from my dump worried me. It was the smell of cancer or sickness. I took another dump earlier today. Though that dump was small. Not even perfunctory. Just like the eraser tip from a pencil. More annoying than anything. The big dump was gray. Better than the black dumps I have had for the last week or more.
Media Consumption:
I watched the Daily Show. Two episodes. I listened to Twilight on the Env3. Book 1 parts 4 and 5. I watched the final 20 minutes of Law Abiding Citizen. I watched Full Moon the movie. Am I turning into a 16 year old girl? How the fuck does Twilight part 2 end with a marriage proposal. I was like "get the fuck out of here!" I know Bella will say yes. I am sure of it!
Hypochondria:
My back hurts. My liver hurts. My liver pain may only be back pain, but you never know. The pain in the liver comes on the lower left hand side of my back. I think I need a new bed. The back pain is worse because of it. I think my testicles have something growing in them. Whatever it is, it is getting bigger.
SEX:
I did not masturbate today.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I found the perfect amauter porn clip
There is something appealing about getting drunk in the middle of the day. I think the idea is that if you can get drunk in the middle of the day you might also be able to get laid in the middle of the day.
I have some homemade refried bean tostadas waiting for me in the kitchen. I should take a pass on eating them and walk down to the neighborhood bar. If I don't eat I could get drunk fast and afterward walk over to local porn shop. Like most porn shops you can rent movies there, but in addition to the take home videos the local porn shop I go to has private booths where you can watch porn. The owners don't care if you jack off in those booths.
Porn shop jack-off booths are nothing like coming home to your wife in the middle of the day for a blow job. A wife never stares uncomfortably at the tiny cock hanging out of your shorts like the queers at the front of the porn store do.
The queers hang around the front of the store hoping to spot the "first timers" who by mistake find themselves in one of the first 3 booths. The First Timer has no idea that his booth is connected to other booths by windows that have had the glass broken out by hopeful faeries.
I can't explain why "straights" would pick one of the booths with the connecting windows. I guess they just like all the male companionship of jacking off together. You know. Like in the sixth grade when you used to "build" forts out of blankets. Because of the heat from of all those blankets you would strip down to your underwear and your best friend would run his hard on all over your thigh, which you made okay by just pretending that all your friend wanted to do was build forts with you because he said he wanted to be in the military like his dad.
This amateur porn clip has it all. The star is an old, fat, hairy, white guy with a small cock. He "comes" in under a minute.
The other star of the clip is the fat disinterested wife.
This couple looks like most of the couples that shop at my grocery store.
The best thing about the clip? EVERYTHING!
The clip starts out showing an obviously drunk and obese middle aged woman. The TV is blaring at her. She sips a drink of her 22 ounce "Full Throttle" energy drink.
The chubby naked husband strolls over to the wife. His cock in full glory at a good 2 or 3 inches. The wife looks at the cock. She can't believe this tiny thing needs to be sucked off to cum.
For the time period from 28 seconds to 45 seconds you can tell she is just phoning in the BJ. But that all changes around 45 seconds. She sucks him good for a few seconds. All it takes is 4 to be exact. After all that attention the husband only needs to jack off for a few more seconds more to come on her face.
The really loving part of the "Lunch Time Blow Job" finale is how the wife runs her face through the husbands cum by shaking her head side to side.
It's the LOVE that makes Amateur Porn great!
I have some homemade refried bean tostadas waiting for me in the kitchen. I should take a pass on eating them and walk down to the neighborhood bar. If I don't eat I could get drunk fast and afterward walk over to local porn shop. Like most porn shops you can rent movies there, but in addition to the take home videos the local porn shop I go to has private booths where you can watch porn. The owners don't care if you jack off in those booths.
Porn shop jack-off booths are nothing like coming home to your wife in the middle of the day for a blow job. A wife never stares uncomfortably at the tiny cock hanging out of your shorts like the queers at the front of the porn store do.
The queers hang around the front of the store hoping to spot the "first timers" who by mistake find themselves in one of the first 3 booths. The First Timer has no idea that his booth is connected to other booths by windows that have had the glass broken out by hopeful faeries.
I can't explain why "straights" would pick one of the booths with the connecting windows. I guess they just like all the male companionship of jacking off together. You know. Like in the sixth grade when you used to "build" forts out of blankets. Because of the heat from of all those blankets you would strip down to your underwear and your best friend would run his hard on all over your thigh, which you made okay by just pretending that all your friend wanted to do was build forts with you because he said he wanted to be in the military like his dad.
This amateur porn clip has it all. The star is an old, fat, hairy, white guy with a small cock. He "comes" in under a minute.
The other star of the clip is the fat disinterested wife.
This couple looks like most of the couples that shop at my grocery store.
The best thing about the clip? EVERYTHING!
The clip starts out showing an obviously drunk and obese middle aged woman. The TV is blaring at her. She sips a drink of her 22 ounce "Full Throttle" energy drink.
The chubby naked husband strolls over to the wife. His cock in full glory at a good 2 or 3 inches. The wife looks at the cock. She can't believe this tiny thing needs to be sucked off to cum.
For the time period from 28 seconds to 45 seconds you can tell she is just phoning in the BJ. But that all changes around 45 seconds. She sucks him good for a few seconds. All it takes is 4 to be exact. After all that attention the husband only needs to jack off for a few more seconds more to come on her face.
The really loving part of the "Lunch Time Blow Job" finale is how the wife runs her face through the husbands cum by shaking her head side to side.
It's the LOVE that makes Amateur Porn great!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I am getting spammed
I am forcing people to type in those matching words for a few day until the spam bot gets the point. Hopefully we will be back to regular comment posting soon!
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