You do not get victory in life.

It kinda goes without saying that I hate Christian Evangelicals, but I guess I could be more specific with my hatred. The ones I really hate are the ones who are looking for Victory in life. For instance Joel Osteen and his "God has a plan for you" bullshit.

Here's how he explains it "You can cancel out God's plan by speaking negative words. God works by laws. Your circumstances will line up with your words."

Ok I am pretty powerful, but I can change reality just by chanting?

Words are like seeds, they have creative power. The more you talk about it the more you call it in. Your words will give life to what you are saying. You can change your world by simply changing your words. You can use your words to bless your life or curse your life.

Nope, I still am not sleeping with Ashlee Simpson. Wonder what else I can do to call forth god's powers. "In the time of need, sow a seed." Oh yeah, of course, give him money. And a whole lot you have been giving.

Lakewood is currently seen nationally on Trinity Broadcasting and the Daystar Satellite Networks, the ABC-Family Channel, Black Entertainment Television, the PAX-TV Network. 30,000 people in meet at the18,000-seat former home of the Houston Rockets basketball team. Lakewood Church has grown from 8,000 to a current attendance of 30,000 since 1999 when Joel's father passed away and he took over. I don't want this to sound arrogant, but I believe one day we're going to have 100,000 a weekend, he told Charisma magazine. (June 2004). He certainly has this planned out with their new super facility being expanded in downtown Houston which from the looks of it will cost nearly 100 million dollars when completed. On their website it says In the year 2005, The Lakewood Church Central will be one of the largest ministry facilities in the country, and it will be located in the fourth largest city and the second busiest intersection in America.

I can't stand all this positive shit that these new age preachers teach.

Listen; don't dangle people over the fires of hell. Lisa and I always kid about you know were going to dangle them over the fires of hell. Listen, that doesn't draw people to God. They know what kind of life they live. They know how bad they've lived. What you've got to do is talk about the goodness of God. Listen, it's the goodness of God that brings people to repentance. It's the goodness of God. One thing I always appreciated about my dad is that he instilled into us a good vision of who God was. We learned about a good God."

The purpose driven life my ass. God is into smiting, killing, burning and brimstone. He kills more people before 9 am than the US Army does all day. But you'd never know that because these new fangled preachers don't teach theology, they teach life management skills.

"Make church relevant," he says. "Give them something to be able to take away. I find today people are not looking for theology. There's a place for it, [But] in your everyday life you need to know how to live."

Are there really that many people out there that don't know how to live? Probably, every time I visit the men's restroom some idiot takes a shit without washing his hands.

Maybe it's a good thing that people don't go to church to learn about Zues and magic and healing anymore. They just want a pep rally and someone to tell them everythings "ok" (even when it's not.) I remember pep rallies and I remember the people that actually "got up" for them.

Now they're all selling insurance and trying to pretend that their lives have some meaning. These church going idiots doubt the one thing that can't be doubted, death. Guess what we're all going to die. There's no point to death and no place to hide from it either, other than the empty pit of existential despair. So join me in it, won't you?