What I needed was a guest blogger, like Larry King.

I have to write this post on my birthday because unlike Larry King I don't have "a staff of hundreds of people who worked so hard to turn this out every day."

That's a direct quote and if you know Larry's column you may find it incredible that literally hundreds of people help him turn out his riffs on "Crest Dental floss with Easy Glide technology."

Larry loved it "This stuff really works," he remarks "gets between your teeth and everything." Wow! Thanks for the tip, Larry.

Larry stopped writing on September 23, 2001. The one good thing the terrorists did.

I am sure he isn't too busy to chip in a few lines about the movie Jarhead or the tragic consequences of teen boys kissing their peanut allergic girlfriends after eating a Peter Pan peanut butter sandwich.

"Don't do it she might die."

Maybe we should use that Crest floss thingy first, right Larry?

I had a guest blogger before, but it didn't work out. Foxxylove couldn't figure out the minimally simple task of instructions required in order to join my team, so she started her own blog...and the good folks at the fantasy blog evaluator blogshares have her angry black rants as more highly valued than my own misanthropic ones. Go figure.

Go on Larry it's my birthday.


Romius turns 35 today which means he will soon need to buy some Loreal for Men facial line smoother or at least some botox soon. But Rom, your worth it buddy , your worth it. I had less hair, but 3 more wives than Rommy did at 35. You can play ketchup, but you never will. Your a mustard man.

Any of you know how ol' Rommie got his computer "hacker" nickname? It came from his tenth grade computer class, where he wrote basic text programs introducing the world for the first time to the Satan Fellowship.

10? "Hi, welcome to the Satan Fellowship. Press 1 to give me your soul. Press 2 to give your soul to god."

A fucking laugh riot, thanks to Mr. Rafter. I know you eventually caught on, and required Zues III and Rom to provide an algorythm before allowing them on the computer to program, but it never really stopped them did it. And now look at him. He's and internet programming god with some of the best and most orginal work on the net.

Happy B-day Big Guy!!

Aren't you glad the sexual double standard still exists? You are if your name is Debra Lafave.

Predatory Teacher Dodges Jail. From the smoking gun, includes pics of the offender.

"Too hot for you" teacher Debra Lafave avoids a jail sentence after copping to a plea that gets her three years of "home detention."

The 24 year old teacher was accused of "gettin' her grove on" with a 14 year old boy in the back of her Jeep Cherokee.

While women around the world are right to fight the shackles of patriarchy, I bet we will find few if any outraged over the rape and seduction of a teen boy.

Imagine the outrage this story would receive if a 14 year old girl was "molested." I wonder if her house is near a school? Parents would burn it down, and no one would shy away from calling her a child rapist or a pedophile. But because she is a women and her "victim" is a 14 year old boy, we just assume he got lucky. Where were the teachers like that when I went to school, will be the joke told around the water cooler regarding her offense.

If it's OK for hot, blonde chicks to fuck 14 year old boys then it's OK for anyone to fuck them. Even creepy 86 year old Uncle Fester.

All Americans Are Immoral. Yes that means you!

Welcome to the land of misanthropy friends, you're all basically immoral according to Mr. Peter Unger a professor of philosophy at NYU. I would go a step further and argue that a quite a few of you (PETA members) are worse than serial killers.

Now of course most of you will object by saying "but I am basically a good person, I am not actively going around killing or raping." True, but the good doctor replies:

Even in our rather materialistic society, a few work hard on behalf of the poorest and most wretched people of the earth. And a few give much of their money for the most worthwhile purposes, such as helping to prevent children from dying from easy-to-beat diseases. As most of us agree, these people are, certainly morally and perhaps overall, much better people than (almost all) the rest of us. As is no news, most of us aren't (morally) extremely good people.

What of our conduct, or our behavior? Because it's not wicked, and so on, most of the time, and to our credit, our behavior isn't extremely bad. But, and as the previous paragraph makes plain, most of the time our behavior isn't extremely good, either. So, we may agree on at least this: In terms of better behavior and worse conduct, pretty far from the great extremes, most of the time our own conduct lies somewhere in a vast middle ground: We could do a lot better and we could do a lot worse.[my emphasis]

The goodly philosopher borrows a technique from Growing Pains star Kirk Cameron in his "Way of the Master" series of Christian evagelism. Kirk asks if your a good person, then proves your not by getting you to admit to breaking many of the 10 commandments.

So it turns out you are probably not very "good." But does that make you bad? What is the moral status ascribed to such "common behavior" as failing to"contribute a few hundred dollars to a charity like UNICEF, [where] a prosperous person can ensure that fewer poor children die, and that more will live reasonably long, worthwhile lives. Our untutored response is that, while it is not very good, neither is the conduct wrong."

But according to Unger, our common sense and "untutored response" is wrong. It is quite immoral to not help out a little when the "payoff" is so great. You should be feeling as guilty as the "sponsor a child" guy makes you feel while holding up a starving child in those Christian Fund commercials . "Only 80 cents a day, the price of a cup of coffee, why haven't you done it?"

Since I am not a Hot Abercrombie Chick I won't digress into the details of his argument which you can get here or into the philosophical hair splitting of ethics and morality. Suffice it to say he is not a utilitarian , he argues that "that our intuitions about ethical cases are generated not by basic moral values, but by certain distracting psychological dispositions that all too often prevent us from reacting in accord with our commitments."

Those who know me, realize I subscribe to an odd personal sense of morality whose sensibility can be found in Ungers' philosophy (you can find more in his book Living High and Letting Die Our Illusion of Innocence.) I have lectured extensively on the merits of mediocrity and a certain idiosyncratic version of austerism. (If I don't have anything how can I feel guilty about world hunger?) At some point a search of this and my other blog archives will turn up some commentary on these points and I will post an update reflecting such.

Josh Glenn on utopian ideas hidden inside dystopian thought.

Is the thought of a noncapitalist utopia even possible after Stalinism, after decades of anticommunist polemic on the part of brilliant and morally engaged intellectuals? Or are we all convinced, in a politically paralyzing way, that Margaret Thatcher had it right when she crowed that ''there is no alternative" to free-market capitalism?

Click here for the article.

Thanks, Boing Boing!

Hell has a newspaper.

How do you get a bloglisting from me? When you call a 14 year old girl a "manipulative sexual animal." A quote like that is good enough for me, and it doesn't hurt that if you have added me to your bloglist either.

"Call me crazy but the people I feel sorry for are the two dead parents sitting here on Serratoth of Kara Borden wondering how they got here. But folks you probably underestimated the one thing you didn't want to see your daughter as at the age of 14 as a manipulative sexual animal who knew she could use her attractive skill set to get a typical, pliable, 18 year old boy to do what came natural if confronted with an end to the literal time of his life. "

I am not sure if we can expect that kind of greatness from Editorials from Hell's leading daily newspaper , but let's hope so.

Ralph Nader hearts T.O.

You know you've worn out your welcome when the only person who will stick up for you is Ralph Nader.

Terrel Owens, the embattled NFL football player for the Philadelphia Eagles, recently received help in the form of an open letter from Ralph Nader to NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue. He writes:

"I am writing to urge you to rescind the misguided suspension and planned inactive designation of Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens. If the Eagles management declines to remedy its mistake, Commissioner Tagliabue, you should intervene to overturn the team's decision, which dishonors this country's traditional respect for free speech and cheats fans of an opportunity to see arguably the best receiver in football. Let him play."

I can think of only two people in America that are less liked that Terrel Owens, George W. and Ralph Nader. I am sure the former wide receiver is thinking "Yea, thanks for the help." He might as well have President Bush campaign for him on a Terry Schiavo law.

What the hell is wrong with Ralph Nader? I used to think this was nearly a great man, but as he gets older he seems desperate to stay in the public limelight. He's already cost us an election that resulted in ill advised war what more does want?

If somebody picks up Terrel and they beat the Cowboys in the playoffs I am gonna firebomb Nader's house.

You do not get victory in life.

It kinda goes without saying that I hate Christian Evangelicals, but I guess I could be more specific with my hatred. The ones I really hate are the ones who are looking for Victory in life. For instance Joel Osteen and his "God has a plan for you" bullshit.

Here's how he explains it "You can cancel out God's plan by speaking negative words. God works by laws. Your circumstances will line up with your words."

Ok I am pretty powerful, but I can change reality just by chanting?

Words are like seeds, they have creative power. The more you talk about it the more you call it in. Your words will give life to what you are saying. You can change your world by simply changing your words. You can use your words to bless your life or curse your life.

Nope, I still am not sleeping with Ashlee Simpson. Wonder what else I can do to call forth god's powers. "In the time of need, sow a seed." Oh yeah, of course, give him money. And a whole lot you have been giving.

Lakewood is currently seen nationally on Trinity Broadcasting and the Daystar Satellite Networks, the ABC-Family Channel, Black Entertainment Television, the PAX-TV Network. 30,000 people in meet at the18,000-seat former home of the Houston Rockets basketball team. Lakewood Church has grown from 8,000 to a current attendance of 30,000 since 1999 when Joel's father passed away and he took over. I don't want this to sound arrogant, but I believe one day we're going to have 100,000 a weekend, he told Charisma magazine. (June 2004). He certainly has this planned out with their new super facility being expanded in downtown Houston which from the looks of it will cost nearly 100 million dollars when completed. On their website it says In the year 2005, The Lakewood Church Central will be one of the largest ministry facilities in the country, and it will be located in the fourth largest city and the second busiest intersection in America.

I can't stand all this positive shit that these new age preachers teach.

Listen; don't dangle people over the fires of hell. Lisa and I always kid about you know were going to dangle them over the fires of hell. Listen, that doesn't draw people to God. They know what kind of life they live. They know how bad they've lived. What you've got to do is talk about the goodness of God. Listen, it's the goodness of God that brings people to repentance. It's the goodness of God. One thing I always appreciated about my dad is that he instilled into us a good vision of who God was. We learned about a good God."

The purpose driven life my ass. God is into smiting, killing, burning and brimstone. He kills more people before 9 am than the US Army does all day. But you'd never know that because these new fangled preachers don't teach theology, they teach life management skills.

"Make church relevant," he says. "Give them something to be able to take away. I find today people are not looking for theology. There's a place for it, [But] in your everyday life you need to know how to live."

Are there really that many people out there that don't know how to live? Probably, every time I visit the men's restroom some idiot takes a shit without washing his hands.

Maybe it's a good thing that people don't go to church to learn about Zues and magic and healing anymore. They just want a pep rally and someone to tell them everythings "ok" (even when it's not.) I remember pep rallies and I remember the people that actually "got up" for them.

Now they're all selling insurance and trying to pretend that their lives have some meaning. These church going idiots doubt the one thing that can't be doubted, death. Guess what we're all going to die. There's no point to death and no place to hide from it either, other than the empty pit of existential despair. So join me in it, won't you?

'In God We Trust' to come off coins?

"Michael Newdow, perhaps America's best known atheist has a new target in his personal war against God in the public domain: "In God We Trust" on U.S. money. "

"I am about to file to get 'In God We Trust' off the front of our currency," he told the Oklahoman. "I plan to do that this week."

Let's all pray that Mr. Newdow can be victorious in his crusade against the superstitious. One day Ufo's are gonna land and they are gonna bowl over laughing at us for putting god on our money. Newdow's quest will allow us to save face if it works.

(little green guy) "Can you believe they still worship unseen entities?"

(little green guy two) "Can you believe they think we aren't gonna eat them?"

The Frenchies get my Volvo.

It what can only be described as the "Frenchizination" of my Volvo, my little Volvie had her window punched out and passenger side mirror knocked off in two separate incidents this week.

Most people would be consumed with rage following the vandalization of their property; however, I am not. Certainly I am a bit perplexed. Around my neighborhood my car stands out only by showing how desperatly poor I am. A 1989 Volvo with their paint peeling should inspire not the least amount of envy even to the "roaming bands" of homeless drug pushers who straddle the pathways between housing projects which the residential area I live in seperates.

I certainly understand the reason you torch middle class homes and property when your poor. The Middle Class in America ignores any problem that does not touch them. The only way to secure their attention is to make them feel unsafe (ask the Republicans.)

But I thought I straddled the line between poverty and middle class enough to convince them that torching my car is like attacking their own. True sometimes you have to "keep it real" and represent to your own kind to keep them in line, but I am all for other people's car's getting torched and you Frenchies getting pardoned by some liberal pansy like Carter on account of your victimhood.

But I guess that's not the case, anyone for standing shotgun by my house tonight? I"ll bring the bullets, you shoot the Frenchies!

Why aren't you reading all my blogs?

Has the Self Help Center become the onion?

Does it suck being a characterure?

The Voice: "It must really suck being such a characterure? "

Did you even spell that right?

The Voice: "Uh, ..Yea ...I used spell check. "

Ok. What do you mean?

The Voice: "I am talking about your Myers-Briggs type. Your straight outa the book, bitch.
I mean, you like to think you have done all this "introspection" and bullshit, but really your just cut out personality. "

What Cuz I am 98% INFP?

The Voice: "Right on man!"

Do people even say "right on" anymore?

The Voice: "Hey, I was programmed in the 70's."

The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

Oh, Fuck You. So, you mean it's just because of my "high standards" that things don't get done?

The Voice: "Typical. "

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFP's shadow may appear. Example characteristics are:

"being very critical and find fault with almost everything
doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
becoming bossy or domineering and ignoring others' feelings
being pedantic about unimportant details "

Did you know that 48% of all terrorists are INFP's?

(backing away) The Voice: "No, I did not."

Did you know that 56% of all statistics are made up?

(returning) The Voice: "Actually, I did. "

Hey the pedantic thing, that just hurt. I was gonna post 8 more entries on the Eugenics book I am reading, for that I might just go to 10.

The Voice: "So, I guess your Ok with being only 2% fully human?"

(teeth chattering) If you could see me... I would be clutching...clutching ...that 2%.

FBI abuses Patriot Act.

Given unlimited access to personal records and police power without the proper court supervision could we really have trusted that they would do anything else? I mean we had Mr. Ashcroft's word that he would not become drunk with power right?

It turns out they really are looking into people's library records.

Go here for the PBS discussion and video.

The Eye that spits is the Eye that deceives.

It was midnight, the witching hour, though the doom of All Hallow's Eve had past the knock that came upon my door at that ungodly hour filled me with unease. I opened the door and found before me nothing less than a member of that ancient cult The 4 sided triangle.

Lured by bequests of intoxicants and paradise (which all men seeketh) she was summoned unto me. I was "to accompany her into a great tomb." And I was told "to make no mention of her appearance, nor engage in the dispersion of rumor that [her] appearance before me was other than that of a quest and no other kind." Further she stated, "Nor, will you besmirch my name or reputation."

I beseached her to inform me of our destination. "Silence!" She commanded. "The eye that spitheth, speaks to deceive the triangle. I have been warned not not to abide by thy tongue. You are the serpent!"

As if the first sin of sinners was Me.

As if she had no knowledge of the Tree

As if she had not tasted of the fruit

plucked first by her limb

And was first to speaketh

it was through her that the fruit first came to me.

I will describe to you only what I saw with my own eyes, my vision, that sensory organ of truth which catches the ignorance of darkness with it's illumination. I was to meet the great chiefs of her tribe. And is the common custom of that tribe I was greeted by one who took her clitoris, and in the ways of that deviant sex, rubbed it betwixt my nose 4 times as a greeting.

I was led into a great room, and in there was a platform, circular in manner, raised 4 and 2 feet above the ground. A long pole stood from ceiling to floor and great worship was given unto this pole by those of whom are known as the 4 sided triangle.

Finally a voice speaketh to me "I liketh not the Eye that Spiteth."

"You who would use the fruit of the eye to spit the evil that is within you, must be banished and your name will be written in the great book. And a seal with be affixed in the great book for all time."

"But what crime have I committed?"

"The eye that spits never ceases to speak, for it is know that you are old, and it is known that you are a mental defective, and that members of your own tribe would disavow you."

"I know not of these accusations. Nor of the charge of this jury."

But was it for crimes of the serpent that I was hung that night? Perhaps, but perhaps it was all a dream. For I have taken to reading of Skull and Bones. Or was it that Isla Bonita's identity had at last been confirmed by me. I cannnot know. These are secrets that even the EyE cannot see.

Is this Blog Hot or Not?

You may have not noticed that I placed a hotornot tab near the bottom of my blog. You can vote and tell me how great (or not so great) my blog is. So far I have zero votes. This makes me happy, as I know only suffering can come from a statisitical tally of my enemies.

By the way if you rate me below a 3 your just hating! And you should proboably take a peek over a Rate My Picture dot com, cuz your 12 year old ass would have a better time making fun of fat pre-teens than giving me another reason to hunt you down when I finally go postal.