Monday, October 02, 2006

How my real life gets in the way of your enjoyment.

"Romius, when are you going to post again? You're not posting enough. Step to it. Chop-chop. I know you have an offline life, but you have online addicts to consider too :)"

I am sorry Katie. I have been busy. I do have an offline life. It consists entirely of doing online searches for strip clubs.

And that offline life searching for 'strip clubs' paid off handsomely after I found "Cleopatra's"-Palmetto's only strip club.

Once it dawned on me how close this club was, I spent my time attempting to keep myself preoccupied- in a futile hope that I could stay away from Palmetto's skankiest and dirtiest Gentleman's club.

But what amount of preoccupation or willpower could overcome "the combination of drugs, booze, strippers and off-duty cops led to a year long police corruption investigation that could ensnare officers and bad guys from Florida to New York."

You would have thought that I had learned my lesson regarding strippers by now. I have not.

But the only thing I can assure you is that if a stripper tells you her "stage name" and then her "real name" and she does this with out any actual prompting for her real name, then she is not really giving you her real name.

The following conversation is not verbatim.

"Hi my name is.."

What was her stage name? Summer...? Fall Skyes... ?August..? Ok, I don't remember what the fuck her stage name was. Or even what her "real name" was. She slipped that in with a wink and smile, just another part of her expertly choreographed introduction.

Full Disclosure Alert:

Her decision to introduce herself may have been induced by the following invitation given to her by me.

"Wow! You're so hot. I just blew 120 dollars here and if I had seen you earlier I would have given it all to you."

After introductions, August or Fall Skyes. Oh, let's just call her Summer. Summer has always been one of my favorite girl names. So Summer then proceeds to tell me she is "Doing the single Mom thing." And that "She lives over a hundred miles away." And works here "Because it is the only club that will let me work one day a week."

What a good Mommie.

Her devulsions are followed visually by a display of her taut, flat, tanned belly. No Mommie belly though. She had a nice lip ring though and a black stripe through her long bleached blonde hair. She really enjoyed her job. She like to moan a lot and when I wasn't grabbing her enough, "You can use both hands." She would take her hands and place them atop of mine and guide them where they needed to be.

It would now be inappropriate to remark about any stirrings "down there." So I won't. This ain't no porn blog, so stop getting your jollies off. But yeah, I ended up giving her the equivalent of a small 1986 Renault Alliance.

I may need to set up a donate button soon.



katie schwartz said...

that was the best post ever! I am laughing my ass off. you are so wrong... thank you for posting. hahahahahahahahha. so funny!

romiustexis said...

Thanks katie, you're swell!

Jezebelsriot said...

I fucking love strippers. I enjoy going with a group of men because the strippers sort of flock to me for comraderie, thinking we can conduct some sisterly confidences, and then muwahawwahwhahwha!!! I turn total perv on them. Good times.