When I meet a girl I try to impress her by telling her I will only pay child support for kids born in-wedlock.

Because I think we can all agree on punishing sluts.

The thing about all my children in/out of wedlock is I don't really like them. Otherwise I might pay child support. But probably not. Child support payments don't exactly leave you with enough Benjamin's to pay for twin lactating Asian hookers.

You would think I could get my lactation fantasies handled by one of my baby mamas. But you try getting between a toddler and a tit when he hasn't been fed all day.

I read somewhere that it was OK to breast feed a child for 7 or more years. So I convinced my girlfriend to do it. She'd just sell the food stamps for crack anyway.

And then I'd make her trade the crack for RC Cola. Cuz I'm Ghetto like that.