I've been trimming my pubes again. It's a big step for me and I thought you'd all like to know that. It helps you relate to me. I know most of you think of me as some god like man. And sometimes Gods have a way of being alienated. And just like Thomas Sowell I think your preoccupation with alienation is the key to understanding your tendency towards totalitarianism.
None of you know much about the secret missions I am on. I will let you in on one.
It comes from good friend, the Drug Monkey:
The flood that brought back the pain happened about mid-piss, and it had nothing to do with kidney stones. It was a flood of memories, and it was triggered by the fact that the bathroom had finally been cleaned. You see, it would seem my employer has changed the mixture of chemicals they use to sanitize the little boys room, and those that they now use, and I swear I am not making this up, smell a lot like the perfume an ex-girlfriend of mine used to wear.
Like most monkeys this monkey is caught in a maze. Unaware of even the tiniest streams that reality pours forth. My response seems cruel. But I know truth. Or more of it than any of you will ever know.
"All the time we have been watching you I never considered you a fool. I admired your dogged determination in the face of adversity. Did you really think such a beauty could be won over by some scotch swilling smock wearing monkey? She was there. In your piss room. Collecting valuable information. I just hope I haven't compromised myself by identifying and outing her to you."
I am doing my best. I will protect him. I keep a watchful eye over this monkey. Because as monkeys go, he's OK. He almost never takes a dump anywhere else but the toilet.
Things go deep. Very deep here. But perhaps I have talked too much. I cannot risk divulging myself. Not at this time.