Saturday, February 23, 2008
I read disappointing news on the Internet
I just read some very disappointing news on the Internet. The maker of Enzyte, the little pill that provides for big "male enhancement," has been found guilty of fraud in a court of law.
"Steve Warshak, whose conviction was reported Friday by The Cincinnati Enquirer, is founder and president of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, which distributes Enzyte and a number of products alleged to boost energy, manage weight, reduce memory loss and aid restful sleep."
I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I can never catch a break. I've only had a job for 5 months, so I have not saved enough money to buy any of Steve's pills yet. But that was the plan. I was going to buy a crap load of Enzyte and leave the boxes of pills outside like a Hansel and Gretel trail. I need a girlfriend and I am sure this was going to be the idea that finally worked for me.
It turns out you can't buy a bigger dick in a pill box. I don't know if I need a bigger dick. I've always been able to orgasm with my current size. Though lately I think I have rubbed off all the sensitivity from my penis because of all the furious masturbating I've been doing. I wrap aluminium foil around the head of my cock and yell obscenities at myself. My new technique has left me raw and orgasm-less for a week. And now to top off all that I won't be able to grow a new dick. I am so disappointed that I can't trust a company who's advertisements ran "We couldn't say it, if it wasn't true." I guess you can say and I guess it's not true. What I am saying here is that the Big Dicked Nazis win again, and small penised (I know you prefer to call yourself large clitorised) guys lose again. [NSFW LINK TO HELL'S BEST NEWSPAPER]