Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Teddy, treat me like a Whore!!!!

I hope I catch you reading my blog at work. If you do you better turn down the sound right now. I would for you, but Switchpod won't allow me to disable the automatic audio function, and well you've probably already figured out the rest.

Episodes 5 and 6 are up at the Self Help Center Podcast. Today's podcast features the world's most boring porn clip, Andy Rooney on Poop, and a blog post warning regarding comet and ass rubbing.

Speaking of poop, mine is yellow again, even though I haven't touched a drink in almost 2 months. Maybe all that fiber laced yogurt isn't so good for me after all. The box says to give it 10 days for best results in digestive health. I have no idea what that means, but I am pretty sure digestive health and yellow constipated poop isn't it.

It took 3 years of weak shitting to get me turned on to adding fiber in my diet. Maybe shitting is supposed to require at least a modicum of effort on my part. But I prefer the drippy wet shitting that slides out of your ass in a couple of seconds, to the thicker fiber based shits I am taking now. And I am not mentioning the fact that I can't sleep at night because of the farting and colon cramps.

I remember as a kid I used to get incredible gas attacks that my parents never fully believed in. I would refuse dinner and lie hunched over on my bed all night. My mom would check in on me now and then, but my Dad completley refused to pay for any anti-gas medication. He was a cheap bastard in those days like that.

I suppose trading in soft shitting for densely packed crap is ok, but I had no idea that waiting three days to ejaculate could get my come to look like 2 day old stiffened egg yolk. I need to get medical insurance straight away.

7 comments:

Freida Bee said...

Alright, Romius, Your disgusting nature is half of what I love about you, but enough is enough, already. We can't have you farting as we ride in the El Camino. People might hear (or smell) that shit (you might find that a benefit though. Let me tell you about the Master Cleanser. Google it and all. It's a little faddish and all right now ('cause some famous people did it and then talked about it) and there may or may not be some detoxification benefits from it, but if there is one thing that it certainly is, that's an intestinal cleanser, via the oral route (though I am sure you'd probably enjoy getting some high colonic activity going on there and then playing the sound effects for us.) I have done the master cleanser for 10 days about 6 or 7 times over the course if about 12 years and seriously, it could gain you some headway on your intestinal health that might be easier for you to maintain with your fiber stuff subsequently.

Another possibility is to try something like Bean-O before you take your fiber yogurt, to prevent those effects.

I'll virtually morally support you through the cleanse or berate you, whichever. At least it would give you something to complain about. That's enough unprofessional advising. (And, I am assuming you are not diabetic; while I have read it can be done in that case, I don't think I would.)

commander other said...

1. you're the shit, romius t.

2. "....to the thicker fiber based shits I am taking now." i believe that's your problem right there. you're supposed to be leaving them, not taking them. people are always screwing that one up.

3. farting is completely natural. don't try to hold it in. did you know that if you didn't fart, your butt would explode? not being able to get dates because of the green, fetid aura that surrounds you...i mean, really, is that such a large price to pay for your butt not exploding? imagine if it happened in the middle of asking someone out!

besides, you like the fat chicks. it's not like they get to choose.

freida bee: the phrase, "headway on your intestinal health", especially when used in close proximity to "via the oral route", i believe, conflicts with romius t's preferred sexual orientation. please be more conscientious when typing things that someone like me can take completely out of context for no apparent reason.

Freida Bee said...

P.S. I am not suggesteing you don't fart, Romius btw. But when we's cruisin' in the El Camino, we might have a hard time picking up chicks for our threeways iffin' you don't get yerself fixed up, there.

Commander: I will try and be more sensitive to your needs.

Romius T. said...

Frieda,

My farts don't stink so I don;t think beano wil help. I just need something to get rid of all the noise and cramping. Plus I think that is what the bed on the el camino is good for, I ll just ride on that!

No commander you're the shit!!

DCup said...

Oh, I love a good scat post! Can't say enough about farts, either.

But really, go to the doctor.(says miss bossy pants)

Romius T. said...

MM scat!

Hopefully I aint dying!

greensunflowerRN said...

you can always offer one of your fat chicks fried eggs, on demand.

you might try a different kind of fiber in your diet, like raisin bran v. fiber yogurt. they are two different kinds one is rough and the other more soft and mushy.

Sounds like you want the "so rough i dont have to wipe" kind of poop