Some things are unrepairable

So you don't try and fix them. Which is why I barricade myself in here. The whole point of this website originally was to document my transition. To leave behind a document.

So that you would understand me. Some of you would have liked me. The antinomy tearing at your mind relentlessly like the knife I would have used. The turmoil in your mind can only be drowned out by the sound of blood gushing from your neck. You speak, but only in gurgles. When the blood abates and your precious oxygen can be drawn in. Your draining life interrupting your sage advice.

Only I don't like the killing part. I am not squeamish or timid. But my erection doesn't need to be soaked in the wounds of others.

Maybe I am just not as damaged as I'd like to be. But for now I lie still. And I will protect you. I will not unleash it.

But this story doesn't sit well with you. No, the prodigal son returns home. But not to victory. Not to set things right. But out of logic. Because the laws of action have consequences. Contingency is the most powerful source of our knowledge.

Where we to track events carefully we would find their solutions to be just. To be truthful. Physics cannot be sorry for its solutions.

Only in movies does science fail. Most likely you will never hear anything from me. Consider this my gift. You won't. You do not see the forces that swirl against you. You do not see over the tide that threatens us all.

I am a lonely ship captain. Who's one duty is to set sail into the maelstrom. But a good captain always goes down with his ship. Lifeboats are for rats or deserters.

If I do fail. It was not my fault. I went down with you too. I will perish alongside of you. Doing my best to steer you safe harbor in a storm.

Just because I am a loser that doesn't mean that I spend all my days looking for the next big thing in Jailbait

Anyways it been a slow week in the news for underaged girls. Sometimes I just steal music off the internets.

It's a lot more difficult to find the Jackson's Victory Tour on Lime Wire than you would think. Instead I had to settle for some Waysted and Kelly Clarkson.

Whenever I listen to really dramatic music like Kelly Clarkson I cry. I think I need some more Paxil or something. I am pretty sure Kelly's preteen audience doesn't get misty eyed over "Because of You."

The only other time I cry myself to sleep is when I listen to Lindsey Lohan's little sister sing Christmas songs. After hearing her sing I knew the devil existed.

Only an asshat could compare the Holocaust to delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken

And yes I mean Kentucky Fried Chicken. Not KFC. They changed their name a few years ago to hide from all of their customers that they actually deep fry their chicken. I bet you always wondered why it tasted so good. Now you know.

Now that you know about Kentucky Chicken, I'd like to know just what the fuck Justin Erik Smith is talking about when he calls meat eating genocide.

Mr. Smith is confused throughout his essay, An Animal Holocaust?

Even his title suggests that he's not quite sure if there is an animal genocide. He starts the off the essay noting that only a non repentant Nazi could compare meat eating with death camps. But that doesn't stop him from noting that "10 billion animals die each year" just so they can be formed into Chicken McNuggets.

Justin even has a handle on why most humanists won't concern themselves with animal rights. They have good reasons not to.

"Some point out, compellingly, that it is absurd to carry on about animal rights in a world in which we are doing such a poor job of ensuring that humans enjoy human rights."

Does Smith think it absurd though? He states that the term "animal holocaust" is being thrown around. And wonders aloud "Is this an impious mockery, worthy of Heidegger, of an event that was without parallel in history? Or is it, on the contrary, a true and simple description of what is happening?"

Again a question rather than an answer. Smith should be embarrassed to put forth the idea that we could compare the destruction of animals for human meat consumption with the systematic slaughter of a race of people.

"But one does not have to go so far as to affirm that animals have rights to agree that the present system of meat production is abhorrent."

One needn't and we shouldn't. Human Beings should not engage in cruelty. When we do so it ends up badly. We don't need false comparisons to the Holocaust to stir human into action against cruelty.

What we need are sane and reasonable voices in animal rights debates. Voices who can point out the implicit dangers to us all if we ignore the cruelty we find in others.

In the dream where I save the world from Aliens the World throws me a bitching "after party" featuring my favorite band UFO

I've been having this dream for as long as I can remember. One day I will write a screenplay and dramatizes it for you. Wait in line for the tickets because I will also direct the movie. It will be 3 times cooler than Independence Day.

THE ALIENS

They form a galactic democracy of intelligent species. Their mission is just like Star Trek's enterprise. They seek out new life, but once they find it they judge whether the life forms they have found are dangerous.

After witnessing planet Earth's history for the past few thousand years they pass sentence.

BAD NEWS

We're guilty and they plan on blowing the planet up.

GOOD NEWS

We get a trial to determine our final status. We even get appointed a "galaxy public defender" and a representative from Earth to defend our home.

The dream then goes into detail about the guidelines for choosing the representative and a host of other rules the rest of the accused people must obey in "prepping" the "choice."

MORE GOOD NEWS

I am chosen as the individual to defend the human race against charges that we are a violent and dangerous race that should just be destroyed before we acquire the capacity to inflict our evil ways on other worlds.

THE REALLY BAD NEWS

This is not the first trial of this sort. The accused have been found guilty 29,347 times in row. We are scheduled for demolition in 2859.

HOW I SAVE THE WORLD SCENES STYLIZED LIKE THE MOVIE- A FEW GOOD MEN

I enter the first ever guilty plea to the sentence. There are lots of scenes with my "host" public defender. We argue over my strategy. She says I am signing mankind's death warrant.

"Mankind" is her word. You would think aliens would be a little more politically correct.

Earth's public defender is like a totally hot human female-the easier for me to interact with. She eventually admits to being a synthetic human from the future.

You would think that future girl robots would subscribe to some kind of "girl power" ideology, but she doesn't.

FLASHBACKS THAT GET CUT INTO SCENES OF ME BICKERING WITH HOT ROBOTIC FUTURE GIRL

CNN's Larry King and various famous people evaluate my strategies like a really important Superbowl halftime show. There are long boring pedantic lectures by world famous philosophers on my tactics.

Other scenes flesh out the requirements for being selected as the "choice." The individual must not be too abnormal. Can't be a Mother Teresa type or a Steven Hawking IQ dude.

The choice must denote and be in touch with humanity. A decent level of verbal and written communication is necessary to build your case. A mixture of good and bad that "fight for his soul" is helpful.

CLIMAX

We win the argument by admitting to our potential for evil. But we promise to work on it. We get a reprieve.

THE Bitchinest AFTER PARTY of ALL TIME

I peg UFO to front the musical celebration. The sell hundreds of millions of records. I hang out with them on stage and even KAROKE a few songs. The bootleg CD's of my performance stay at number 1 on the Billboard charts for 10 years.

People like me.

The 2nd Annual Atheist Coming Out Day

Jesus wasn't born today, but it is the birthday of the Second Annual Atheist Coming Out Day.

The L.A. Times has a nice article dispelling the Top 10 Atheist Myths written by Sam Harris.

Top 10 Myths according to Sam Harris

1. Atheists believe that life is meaningless.
2. Atheism is responsible for the greatest crimes in human history.
3. Atheism is dogmatic.
4. Atheists think everything in the universe arose by chance.
5. Atheism has no connection to science.
6. Atheists are arrogant.
7. Atheists are closed to spiritual experience.
8. Atheists believe that there is nothing beyond human life and human understanding.
9. Atheists ignore the fact that religion is extremely beneficial to society.
10. Atheism provides no basis for morality.

It comes full circle Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis

Did you know that you could buy something that analyzes your poo? I didn't but Spider Man's girlfriend does.

In my very first post on this blog I blogged about my poo. Mary Lou Henner was going around pimping her new book. The book devotes multiple chapters to your poo. That led me to my current fixation on mentally organizing my morning dump.

I never really cared about my poo until Mary Lou. But once I recognized it as a possible health concern I began to worry every time I went to the bathroom. I would look my poo over for consistency, weight, color in hopes of gaining some kind of insight into my health situation.

I don't know how much this might cost but if you forgot to get me a birthday gift or are looking for the perfect Festivus gift, now you know.

I wish John Edwards daughter was Jailbait this week

Even though the little hottie on the right looks underage, she's not. This is depressing, but according to the political humor blog, Wonkette , Edward's daughter is totally legal. She is even attending college.

That might not seem like much. Attending college after graduating from high school is pretty common these days. But in Florida, where I am, that's cause for celebre. Which I think is French for smart, kick ass hotness.

If a girl graduates from high school in Palmetto, Florida with any ambition she attends Junior College and dreams of being a dental assistant. I am not trying to denigrate dental assistants. Most of the women from Palmetto never graduate from dental hygienist school, it's just an aspiration. Going to hygienist school is a great way to tell guys they meet at parties that their lives aren't just like the milk sogged Twinkies they eat for breakfast.

Chicks in Palmetto that don't attend junior college, end up at Aryan Brotherhood (Southern Heritage Appreciation) meetings that take place in their front yards. I drove by an Aryian meeting on my way to the store I saw a couple of redneck dudes walking around without a t-shirt. A few stars and bars flags flew at high mast and a fat chicks danced around in Dixieland bikini tops.

My middle brother assures me that are racist neighbors are just history buffs and present no actual danger to me.

"Anyways," he asks me, "Aren't you noticeably white? The Klan don't fuck with the white folks. Just throw around some of that arcane antebellum knowledge you posses and wow 'em with tales of Ironside and shit!"

I'll pass my brothers advice around to any of my fully pigmented friends out there. The next time you find yourself surrounded by a company of white hooded fiends, pontificate about the complexity of General Lee's withdrawal from Biloxi.

They won't know what you're talking about either.