Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I wish John Edwards daughter was Jailbait this week

Even though the little hottie on the right looks underage, she's not. This is depressing, but according to the political humor blog, Wonkette , Edward's daughter is totally legal. She is even attending college.

That might not seem like much. Attending college after graduating from high school is pretty common these days. But in Florida, where I am, that's cause for celebre. Which I think is French for smart, kick ass hotness.

If a girl graduates from high school in Palmetto, Florida with any ambition she attends Junior College and dreams of being a dental assistant. I am not trying to denigrate dental assistants. Most of the women from Palmetto never graduate from dental hygienist school, it's just an aspiration. Going to hygienist school is a great way to tell guys they meet at parties that their lives aren't just like the milk sogged Twinkies they eat for breakfast.

Chicks in Palmetto that don't attend junior college, end up at Aryan Brotherhood (Southern Heritage Appreciation) meetings that take place in their front yards. I drove by an Aryian meeting on my way to the store I saw a couple of redneck dudes walking around without a t-shirt. A few stars and bars flags flew at high mast and a fat chicks danced around in Dixieland bikini tops.

My middle brother assures me that are racist neighbors are just history buffs and present no actual danger to me.

"Anyways," he asks me, "Aren't you noticeably white? The Klan don't fuck with the white folks. Just throw around some of that arcane antebellum knowledge you posses and wow 'em with tales of Ironside and shit!"

I'll pass my brothers advice around to any of my fully pigmented friends out there. The next time you find yourself surrounded by a company of white hooded fiends, pontificate about the complexity of General Lee's withdrawal from Biloxi.

They won't know what you're talking about either.


Jezebelsriot said...

I loved this post.

Romius T. said...

Thanks Jezzy. You are always lifting my spirit, by your comments.