Monday, November 20, 2006

I am going to write the book on serial killers you've always wanted to read

Of course writing a book on how people decide to become serial killers and making it funny is not as easy as it sounds.

But if anyone can do this you know your good buddy Romius can. Of course if I can't I can always decide to just go ahead and become a serial the killer. That would practically guarantee an upfront deal.

I figure I will get Cosmo Kramer to punch up any racist punch lines and Judith Regan will eagerly volanteer to publish it via a third party deal.

I am not too sure about how "deep" I will have to go in order to get into character, but you should know that I am willing to do whatever it takes.

Like today I started staring at the pit-bull who lives next to me in order to establish some kind of dominance. I stare at him until I can get him to stop barking.

I was in front of the shared gate for 3 hours today. Just staring at him. The dog went nuts for a while. He's always barking at anyone in his view. But I don't blink until the dog evades my stare.

The scary thing is this fence is only about 3 feet high and I have yet to figure out why the dog just doesn't jump over it and tear me to kibbles and bits.

I've also been thinking of way I could kill the monster without anyone figuring it out.

I've been looking at all the great ways they kill animals in China over at Katie's webpage. Those Chinese do not fuck around. They see a dog and it is like "soup for two" if you know what I mean.

I know what you're thinking, "That's just T. acting a fool." But I really hate dogs. I got bit as a kid. I was just 7 when a German Sheppard twice as big as me took a good chunk of my leg off. I needed something like 9 stitches to close up the gaping wounds.

I think I asked to see them put the animal to sleep. I remember what a let down watching it was. Fucking thing just chocking on its vomit. But no blood. I wanted to see a little blood at least. Dad promised me they had to cut off his head to check for rabies after it appeared I was a little disappointed in the execution.

Strange that the parents left it up to a seven year old kid to decide if they would "put" the dog down. It is the one decision in life I can say I would never question, never regret.


Jezebelsriot said...

That dog doesn't tear you up cuz you're tuff. Super tuff.

I got bit as a kid too. Doberman Pincher, huge fucking muscular dog pinned me to the ground and munched on my ear. It hung there by a piece of skin the width of my mom's thumb. It was gross.

Romius T. said...

It's true. I am tuff. Judging by that phot of me, most of you will think that too.

Wow, I can't believe you came that close to being deformed , jezz.

Your hottness would be seriously impared with a mangled "grill."

Jezebelsriot said...

No way, I would have totally worked that shit.

Romius T. said...

I know you would have, my bad!!

Bela Black said...

Yeah stupid dogs! I was bit by this evil red hellspawn not too long ago. I would like to see him get it too. Serial killers and dobermans? How about some 'david berkowitz' hehe.

Richard Ramirez said...

Doberman, nice.

Romius T. said...

Hey Richard,

Just wanna say love your work. I hope that means you will spare me. I'd be no fun in the dungeon anyway.

Romius T. said...

I think Bela's website is gonna get pulled down by the Republicans soon, so maybe yall should go visit it.