Sunday, November 26, 2006

I messed up and posted a poker story about bacterial infected dildos over at my other blog. I meant to post it here.

Sorry. My bad. But you can still visit the post here. That website is really not supposed to have the kind of dark humor for dark humor's sake like this one does.

What I have told you in the past was that RomiusTexis is the home of my "real life only fictionalized."

I didn't really think that one through. I should have been more precise. My real life at work fictionalized is what I meant. Of course the Romius T. character got a lot of fleshing out over there, so it is kinda confusing for you and me sometimes.

I won't bore you with the details about my copy/paste function not working so there was no way I was going to rewrite the entire post on here and then delete the post over at R/t.

That wasn't so bad was it?

Since you were OK with that story, can I give you a little nugget to use the next time you are outdoors pissed, bored and in the company of a few willing friends?

I'd like to introduce the concept of "inappropriate clapping" for your use and pleasure. The inappropriate clapping technique works at most KAROKE bars or with most shit house bands. But feel free to use it a your child's rehearsals and at family gatherings.

Proper use of the inappropriate clapping entails only the simultaneous clap in the middle of any really annoying performance. Any point where it would seem to make no sense you just interject a bit of random clapping. People will follow along with you sometimes. Be prepared for that.

But make sure you have at least two friends with you when you attempt this. You may have to kick the shit out of the "German" waitress who actually enjoyed the musical stylings of her guitar solo playing 56 year old ex hippy whose vocal range mearly extended to " doing" most of the lyrics because he'd rather get high than remember words.

And just because today my brothers and I looked like the tourists you are always playing for suckers doesn't mean we're going to fall for the old "Sorry, I just learned English because I am from Germany" routine like the rest of your middle aged patrons.
I am just saying we all found it "strange" that a German national couldn't seem to recall the meaning of the term Gutten-Tag for us.

And if you do over hear us remark "that your cunt smelled worse than an 2 day old aborted fetus" let me suggest you just take the comment as it was intended.

As productive criticism, rather than as the "Bitchy snipings of nearly middle aged man suffering from young pussy withdrawal." As you so eloquently informed us in your delusional belief that a "Valley Girl accent" you affected could actually pass muster as proper Deutschland barking.


Knows It All said...

I'm clapping, no one is joining...

Joking!!! I wish i had the nerve to employ this technique a few weeks ago when a "Best man's speech" was the most boring and neverending thing ever. His attempts at humor were so off, and I appreciate inapproriateness, but ths was just lame. Instead, we just text messaged everyone at the table.

My fave way to display discontent or boredom is to make snoring sounds...kills everytime.

Romius T. said...

I want to applaud you for taking a chance at hiring Michael richards for a speech at this point in his career.

From now on he should just stick to seinfeld reenanctments with the remainding cast members of the brady bunch.