Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I Review Movies so you can learn stuff. So now I am going to review the movie Billy Jack.

I know that my movie reviews are considered some of the weakest material I provide for this blog. But I still keep doing them. I hope that irritates you. Like when your little sister walks in on you jacking off.

I agree with you. There is no need for your sister to go and tell Mom. What a girl does in the privacy of her basement should stay private. Plus you're not really hurting anyone. If you don't consider that vibrator a person. Which you shouldn't. Even if you name it.

Speaking of which. I just watched the craziest movie of my life. It's called Billy Jack. But I don't want to review that movie here yet. Instead (in the ancient practice of outraged Christians everywhere) I want to review a movie I haven't seen.

That movie is called Billy Jack's Moral Revolution. Now for readers who are not familiar with Billy Jack Movies you need to just think one thing. Flower Power + Clint Eastwood. What else? Think Obi Won Kenobi...

"A key ingredient of the original Billy Jack was Billy teaching how to become a real man, and Jean on how to become a real woman in highly dramatic and emotional scenes. The new Billy Jack will do the same for today’s youth."

Billy Jack also dealt heavily with themes of sexuality. Girls get raped. Girls who sleep around get impregnated by minorities. Those girls get targeted for abortion and eventually get "punished" and lose their unborn children. Also there are shots of a naked 13 year old girl.

But Billy Jack's obsession with 13 year old's isn't just for the past. It's a continuing and creepy concern of the writer/director/star.

How to become a woman and stop being an “Anybody’s”

"People will be shocked to learn in the film that 30% of 13-year old's are sexually promiscuous, and one out of five is a “cutter”, someone who has slashed their wrists at least once in a suicide attempt.

Because women are programmed so intensely that the way to become accepted and popular is to become a hot, sexy “anybody’s” – a sexual object who gives sexual gratification to chopped haired idiots whose idea of masculinity is to get high and conquer women, women desperately need a way to develop their own inner power."

An "anybody" is a hot sexy 13 year old girl who sleeps with anybody just for attention. Usually in billy Jack movies it is with the main evil character. And right after the bad guy has chocked and humiliated the "anybody's" friend.

Women in Billy Jack movies go to the bad guy of their own free will. So they get what they deserve. If by deserve you mean getting raped at knife point.

I know what you are thinking this is some kind of loony fringe cult film. You've never heard of it. Why should you care about a movie so far from the mainstream? You are wrong!

"They said it was impossible! For 17 years we couldn’t get Billy Jack made because studios and investors said Indians were “box office poison.” So we mortgaged what we had, got a friend to invest, and did it ourselves, and to this day Billy Jack is still the most profitable independent film ever made, grossing in today’s dollars over $400 million."

You need to go rent all these damn movies. You need to donate to this guy so he can finish his film. I don't know what he did with all his money. He probably gave it away to the Indians. That's the Indian Way after all.


Dr. Stephanie said...

Ummm... I'm pretty sure I never saw this movie come to a theater near me. I would have remembered something like that.

Romius T. said...

movie came out in the 70's you weren't even born yet