Saturday, March 03, 2007

I don't want to tell you to be ironic. That would be ironic.


But I do want to hear about your amazing cat stories. Nothing excites a man more than hearing about amazing cats and their stories. Other than baby pictures. We love baby pictures. Maybe the guys who love baby pics are only the guys who go to jail for masturbating to baby pictures, but we loves them all the same.

I don't want to have dicsussion with you about irony either. Because sooner or later you are going to bring up that Alanis Morissette song. Do I think its ironic? Sure, but I also think you are a moron sometimes. Not the real "you" mind you. Just the fake you that doesn't exist. The fake "you" that I am fighting with because it's a Friday night and I am all alone in the house with nothing to do.

So I have imaginary conversations with people that don't exist. I use bits of you and conflate them with bits of people I hate. So I can have an argument. I used to do that with an EX-GF of mine. She always wondered why I came home pissed. It was because I used to walk home from a shitty job and take my anger out on her in imaginary conversations. But then sometimes I would forget that I wasn't really pissed at her and it was just in my head. Imagine her consternation.

Well in truth she never had a bit of consternation. I think you have to know what a word means in order to have the feelings associated with the word. Now that's ironic.

9 comments:

Dr. Stephanie said...

It scares me that you and I both do the imaginary conversation thing, where I work out entire scenes between me and someone else. My problem, however, is that I forget that these conversations did not take place in reality, and and I think that I really did tell the other person what I was imagining.

Also, I think women are fully aware that men hate baby pictures and cute wittle stories about our kitty-witty. We know that they're only feigning interest, to score points that will eventually get them at least a bj. That's why we women drag out the stories and the pics -- it's fun to torture when we can.

Dr. Stephanie said...

Romius,

Did I tell you what my kitty did this morning? It was SO CUTE! She woke me up by getting up in my face and then biting my nose! Isn't that ADORABLE!? Tee hee! What? You want a bj now? O-kaaayyyyy, since you listened SO NICELY....

DrugMonkey said...

Is there a bit of me you use for these hate conflations? That would rule.

If it helps, I have a cat I like. Not because it's cute, but because it's insane and it destroys stuff. My stuff. There's some irony.

You're not getting a blowjob.

Romius T. said...

Wait a minute Doc, I am supposed to be getting a bj after one of these stories drags on for hours?...Christ....

That's awesome that your kitty is a flesh eating 4 legged human killer...YEs I'd like my bj now...

Drug monkey,,,

your insistence on making everything about you is why we have so many imaginary fights...what no bj from you too. jeez...

Evil Spock said...

If I got a bj for every long story from a girlfriend, well I'd have a lot of bjs . . .

Dr. Stephanie said...

I'm guessing that a girl would have to "pay extra" if she had cute kitten pictures to accompany her cute kitty story?

Romius T. said...

Spock you deserve bj's and more.

Doc,

I think if I have to look at cute pictures of cats I would need anal rim job as well.

Have you seen my world famous cute kitten pic on my blog?

Jezebelsriot said...

I love my cat, I really do. She is actually more special than anyone else's cat and is prettier too. But you aren't getting a blowjob for the stating of facts, it's like demanding a blowjob after I tell you how a bill becomes a law. It's not going to happen.

I think everyone has imaginary conversations. I also have imaginary relationships with various people I meet, like that hot guy that is always in front of me in line at Starbucks. He looks like Layne Staley only shorter and has really blue eyes. I've imagined our lives together so far into the future that we've already accidentally knocked me up, gotten the abortion, and then broken up over the constant verbal reminders of our irresponsiblity. God I miss him.

Romius T. said...

Those may be facts in the worl. but they make the world uninhabitable. Thats why you owe me a blow job.

Your imaginary life sounds a bit depressing or too realistic for me. I wanna live happily ever after.