Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Dear Jessica. My final fan letter to Steve Nash's Wife.

Dear Jessica,

I am just not to sure how to tell Steve's wife her services are no longer needed. In my quest for Blogger Celebrity I have been attempting to find the right C list star to hook my rise to fame on.

For some reason it escaped me. The most obvious path. I was so completely oblivious. Searches for Jessica Hawn are by far and away the biggest traffic generator on my blog.

In addition I know that you my Jessica have a wonderful sense of humor. I have heard you countless times on the Howard Stern show. I love him. He's a genius. He made like 400 million dollars last year. I think he bought the entire Australian continent for fun.

Maybe the next time you are on his show you could mention my little blog. What a blast that would be. I just can't figure out why someone as famous as you doesn't have some kind of gate keeper. You would think that you would have your own website or something by now. So they can make sure that more important people than me are not in charge of your Internet persona.

Maybe that's because god wants us to be together.

I just hope Mrs. Nash doesn't get pissed or depressed at me. I have to do what I had to do. One day I will be famous. And it will be because Jessica Hawn will be googling herself and she will be directed to this page.

Naturally she will want to introduce herself to me. We'll probably have webcam sex and Jessica will blab about it to Howard. And pretty soon Howard's fans won't be able to imagine a time when they weren't thinking about our mutual masturbation stories.

I can't wait.

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