Dear Mrs. Nash
Just wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. I am all alone this year. Which isn't all that different from the last few years. I can't remember the last time I had a girlfriend, or the last time I got a Valentine.
I think the last time I received a Valentine I was in grade school. And when you are in grade school everybody gets a Valentine. Your teachers force your parents to buy enough cards for the entire class. They even provide you with a list of all the names of every classmate in your homeroom. And then you spend the entire night before Valentine's Day addressing cards and licking envelopes.
I am sure you thought it was pain in the ass. But at least you probably got new cards. But my parents were so poor we never bought new cards. So I had to scratch out my name on the old cards my classmates gave me the year before and address them anew with the names of all the kids I had in the current year's class.
Talk about your "embarrassing moments" when I had some of the same friends 2 years in a row. Though I would purposefully give those classmates the card they sent me the year before, so that my friends would then take them home and show their parents just how poor my family was.
I would get invited to a lot of sleep overs for the next few weeks. All my friends parents could recognize the amazing level of cheapness that me and my brothers were forced to endure as an everyday occurrence. At the sleepover I noticed my friends ate really well. Buckets of KFC. And if I wanted I could help myself to seconds of mashed potatoes and biscuits. Even a biscuit with honey for dessert.
After all those great sleepovers I would come home and describe in detail all the food I ate to my brothers. They sat around me in a circle. Convinced I was Orson Welles and the Martians were attacking.
Do they even celebrate Valentines Day where you are from in Paraguay, Mrs. Nash? Maybe that's why Steve Nash did not feel the need to take you along to that fund raiser last night. In fact I heard none of the Phoenix Suns took their wives. I was really upset about that. I know Steve is from Canada and they have weird traditions up there, like Universal Health Care Coverage. Also Canadians don't seem to want to shoot each other in the face as much as we do. But just because Canadians celebrate some weird traditions it shouldn't mean you have to stay home all the time.
Because you and Steve decided not to celebrate Valentines Day together at a fund raiser, I was unable to hand deliver you my Valentine's Day card. You see, I had arranged to have Foxxylove attend the fund raiser and she promised to hand you my card which featured my website and a fantastic Happy Valentine's Day inscription to you. So I guess this blog post will have to do instead. Sigh. Anyways.
Happy Valentines Day!
Romius T.
2 comments:
I can't quite identify why I think you are at all harmless. I think you are...but all it does seem weird that i would think that...right?
Sorry I forgot you on V Day. ;)
Who says I am harmless? I never said I was harmless. Only small children and women with boyfriends thinkI am harmless.
I make jokes about not wanting to talk to women. thats why I keep duct tape in my van, and the pretty girl smiles at me. She keeps pawing at her boyfriend but laughs at my jokes.
But I have a van and duct tape.
Post a Comment